a joke in mixed company

I came home early today. Called Punk on the way and asked that he turn on the oven, the supper I'd planned would take an hour an a half. When I got home, Punk was putting the dish into the oven, very nice.
We proceed to talk about his day and mine and he starts telling me a joke... not sure if you know it but I'll give you the highlights.. door-to-door salesman - selling mosquito spray - farmer hangs him naked outside overnight - calf ... has his way with salesman.
I asked Punk gently because I already know the answer... "do you know what the calf did to the man?"
He looks at me - quietly... waiting.. he finally says ".... no"
"that's what I thought.... do you know how a calf eats from his mother?"
"yea"
"well, the man was hanging upside down... in the barn..."
"....... AWE MAN.... THAT'S GROSS!"
"and that's why you should be sure you know "why" a joke is funny, before you tell it"

Two full days left...

We're packing at work... in addition to preparing for a week long out of state training class. The entire team of people that I work for, total 18, will be moving our desks, work items, and personal items from the 2nd floor of the building to the 3rd floor. Some of us have been here 20 years, so you can imagine the extent of the move.
I've been here 11 years and this is my 5th move in 3 years. I decided a couple moves ago... less is much much more... so I've taken nearly everything home. I still have pictures, and the odd little desk thing that would have no place at home... like a fan, a zen garden, and a small gargoyle named Fluffy.
I still need to have the majority of my supplies here near me so... the only things that I can move are personal items... So, I'll be doing that today..
Thinking about going to a waterpark for like a day or weekend (if we could stay at a campground for super cheap)
Punk went to a nearby State Zoo today... he's sent me pics of a zebra and a flamingo. So, it seems that he's having a good time.. from the pics it also looks as though it's not raining there (it is here, has since yesterday)
LuLu told me yesterday... "You know dat I'm going wif you to Nof Carlina nes week, wight Mommy?"
In addition to all this... There are 3 ladies that do what I currently do. I've already been told that one of them is moving to another position. And that the New Owners don't have a position that does what I currently do and that no one is sure "what my roll will be when we get back from training"
...makes me nervous....

I've got $160, that okay?

Hubs, LuLu and I drove to the place that we always meet to exchange Punk with his dad yesterday. At 5pm, an hour earlier than normal. LuLu sang at the top of her lungs for what we thought was the entire 34 miles, at some point during the drive I looked behind me to see her slumped over with her mouth agape... in the midst of uncomfortable sleep.
That's how she fights off sleep now... I forget until she does it again. Used to be that she and I would take the same drive by ourselves... and she, just a baby then, would scream the entire 34 miles back home. Never quite sure what she was so upset about... I tried everything. I thought about it being that Punk was suddenly gone from her sight but, then nothing I can do about that. So, I tried other things... leaving the light in the car on.. talking to her.. different toys... a movie... I would call people and have them talk to me just so I could get the schrillness of her pitch out of my head. It felt as though sometimes she was trying to over power the entire car with that out of control screaming. My Dad, forever the upstanding parent... "you got more patience than I got. I'da dun worn 'er ass out!" For what? I have no idea. What "wearing her ass out" would've changed? I haven't a clue. What I do know is there wasn't any point in me pulling off the side of an interstate to have a screaming match with an infant (literally from 1 month until she could speak well) let alone pulling over to "wear her out" which in my opinion would've only made matters worse. I finally reached behind me one day and just stroked her foot with my hand... she immediately stopped crying. It was very uncomfortable to drive that way but then so was driving while my ears were bleeding.
We pull up, we wait and wait and wait. The show up.. Punk and Ex. Punk always looks skinnier and taller when we get him back. He has his patch on, I can tell. How long he's had it on, I don't know and won't know for sure until it starts to wear off. I tell Ex about a bill that I got in the mail for Punk's allergy shots... $170. "okay" he said... nothing more.
Just now he called. "I only had $160 on me, but I put it in your account."
"that's fine, thanks!"
I told my friend at work.. if he'd been half the man he is now.. we'd probably still be together. But I know I can't truthfully say that... because it's this guy that he is with everyone that has always been the cool one. It's the personal guy, the one you marry and work with (trust me cause I did both) that becomes the mind numbing asshole that you want to tie to a tree in some remote wilderness somewhere... whoops sorry.. carried away again. Anyway, it's that guy that never clicked with me.

Wish in One Hand...

The In-laws came down this weekend. Of course, I think my home is in no shape for visiters.. but do I care.. No. I've found that working 60+ hours a week and living on four or less hours of sleep per day.. makes me not care at all. Sure we tidied up here and there.. Tried to do what we were going to do anyway.. but in a shorter time frame. But the dusting didn't get done... I have a black lacquer (sp) tv table that seems to attract dust the second that you're done dusting it. I hadn't given it the weekly bath that it has become accustomed to so it decided to grow hair. So, when M-I-L showed herself... I saw the tv table... smiling at me. With its hairy face. UGH! **Have I mentioned that I really would like to have a wife? Come on? Really!! I want the kind of wife I would be if I didn't have to work so damn much. you know... take care of the kids, clean the house(I'm also allergic to dust), cook for the family, do all the bills and errands, (total plus if she could grocery shop for us and save money, I hate shopping of any kind) and oh yea... snuggle with me... (Hubs and I work opposite schedules. So, during the week I am very lacking in the snuggle department. Sure I get kid snuggles but come on... I mean snuggles with adult sized arms!) ** Sorry I got off topic.
They took us out for lunch... at the only place they seem to enjoy eating, to Red Lobster. I tried something different.. because of all the things I've learned that I'm allergic to I'm really trying to stay away from yeast. Sucks... and it's difficult.
Then back home where I proceeded to fall asleep in my comfy chair... while my inlaws were still there! Talk about embarrassing. I can fall asleep at the mention of silence. I got up to go change clothes figuring that doing something would keep me awake. On may way out of the room my M-I-L said "Lay down if you want to, we understand." And I'm sure they did, but I'm nothing if not stubborn and changed clothes and went back downstairs. They were there for two more hours and I stayed awake the entire time, wishing for a wife that would dust.

One more week

Everyone has been doing a countdown... T-minus 5 days til we leave for training. Everyone except for me, and truth is maybe I should have been counting. I knew what week it was and what day and that it was coming. But good grief, It totally snuck up on me. We leave Sunday... UGH! I'm not happy about it... I'm dreading it. I'm not a good student. I'm not comfortable dressing up... (business casual) and shocker of shockers.. I'm suddenly not comfortable without my family within a good 15 miles of me! (weep!) Not sure if it's the Mom, the caretaker, the control freak or who is stepping forward... but one of these personalities wants to be recognized and she's not letting it go...
I've decided to let someone else drive. It's been recently brought to my attention (I paid bills and balanced what was left on Friday) that it would be much easier for someone else to pay for the gas.... they'll be reimbursed yes, and paid .55 cents per mile, sure. But the "god-knows-how-long" without the cash is what I'm thinking about. Needless to say when I told Ms. Olson and the others that I was going to go ahead and ride with them... they were literally ecstatic.
We've been told to go ahead and start packing our personal items for the move. I've taken several things home over the years. The less I have here, the less I have to move every time we move desks or floors or worse...
Things are very slow today.. So, I'll pack... I'll return if I think of anything else to tell you.

Stupid Things Smart People Say

The same woman that I work with, from last STSPS posting, was leaving a voice mail for one of her clients.

"Mr. ___ my name is ___ . Please call me regarding...
I'm available from 10AM to 8PM eastern standard time.
blah blah blah" and hangs up.

We here in VA use daylight savings time and I actually had a client who stopped me when I said eastern standard time and he said. "So, you come in at a different time than everyone else?"
Which took me by surprise because I don't often have people correct me in that manner.
So since this had happened to me before, I mentioned it to her.
She said. "well, I'd just have to tell 'em. I was being nice to you. but if you want to be that way.. I just can't deal with you."

Lovin Lyrics #3

I missed posting my Thursday 'Lovin' Lyrics' so I'll post it today...
one of my new fav songs....

"The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by The Script

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my handSaying,
"If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"
Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you
'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving
Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go
'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,I'm not moving, I'm not moving
People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world
Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
[Chorus 2x]
Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

Thought for the day

Thought for the day:

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

If not, you're wondering now.
Have a nice day!!

Stupid things Smart People Say

A woman I work with noticed her friend looking at a property through Google Earth... She decided to look at her own home just to see what the program could do.
After looking for a moment, getting closer to her home and switching to street view.
She asked "Are they there now?'
after her friend explained that it was a satelite that was able to take the pictures and that no one was actually there she asked
"How do they get the satelite so close to the house?"

I lurves it when I'm Spanx'd

I've done it... I bought Spanx!!! I love them!!
I'd heard oodles about them and saw the inventor on The Rebel Billionaire a few years ago. So, after going online yesterday and seeing that a local store, within a mile of my home, sold them; I to go there. She told me on the phone that I could try a pair of them on and see what I thought. I snatched Lulu from the sitter and off we went. Bi the way... did I mention that the shop is an ab-fab little wedding/prom dress store?! You should have seen the look on Lulu's face. She thought she'd died and gone to dress-up heaven! For the next few mintues you could hear me explaining "our hands belong to us"... which is usually followed by LuLu either holding her own hands or shoving her hands in her pockets. This time was a little bit... well alot different.
"look, mommy, I like this pink one"
"uh, huh' reading the Spanx package
"look, mommy, this one is be-u-ti-ful"
"yes, it is'
"oh, mommy, how ad-dord-able"
"LuLu DO NOT TOUCH THE WHITE ONES!!!"

finally they showed me to a nice sized room, and how wonderful that I had Lulu there to narrate the happenings inside our dressing room for those that weren't allowed visual access...
"mommy, why are you getting naked?"
"mommy, you're too big for that... look (she got down off her chair and came over to my leg and rubbed it) your leg is all red right here"
well, after her portion of the performance was over I tucked everything in, stood up and sighed... to my disbelief I could still breathe! Nothing snapped, crackled, ripped or popped loose...
and it felt great! I took that pair off... and put on the size that the package recommended for my height and weight. It was very loose in comparision to the first pair.
I bought two of the first pair and promptly took LuLu out of the store, before I owned a wedding dress with handprints on it.

I put on a pair this morning... along with my jeans from last year... Hmmmm - why have I been waiting to get this.. nifty little tummy tuck in a pretty blue wrapper...
no muffin top...
no bluge
no squirming on the bed/floor to get them up
no reciting my favorite swear words to suck in the apartment of stretched skin that my won-der-ful children left when they came into this world.

wow. maybe I should buy a few more. Nah... I will buy more..

ps... since I'm blogging from work I can't add the nifty little pics that I like to put on...
so here are some links for your shopping pleasure...

http://www.spanx.com
http://www.spanx.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2990106&cp=2992553.3010023&parentPage=family

You're Kidding, right?

Last Thursday morning was rough, then at 3:20PM I was awakened from my sleep with Hubs by a phone call from my half sister, E.M.
She is a year younger than Punk. yea... on her birthday she'll be 12. She explains to me in rapid-fire talk.. that she and her friend are stuck and they'll need a ride.
What it boiled down to was Friend's mom has suddenly decided not to pick up E.M. and Friend at their after school activity (Ham Radio Club, who'da thunk?) and will also not be able to take them to the choir recital that night.
E.M asks me to come get her, take her to her apartment to get her clothes, take Friend to her place to get her clothes, take them back to the school to their HAM Radio Club and then they can stay there until after choir recital at which point I would be needed to take them to their homes again....
Wait... what??
You mean you're in choir.. I didn't know that.
You mean you're in HAM Radio club, wow, I didn't even know there was such a thing... Our dad told me when I tried out for volleyball if I made the team I'd have to find my own way to and from games, because he worked to hard all day to take me anywhere after school. (literally)
Now, Our dad is on the road... training to be a truck driver.
"where's your stepdad?" her step dad is a truck driver that does local pickups.
"where's your mom?" her mom... is in night school and asked her to call me to see if I'd do it. (our dad would be doing it if he was at home)
"she said she needed to know by 4:30 if you could do it..."
Wait... you mean she couldn't call me herself and ask?
well, no. I can't do it. you all are going to have to work this one out on your own.
I'm sorry.... I've lived in this city for 7 years with NO family around me for help or a sitter or anything. I've had to get by, cancel appointments, move things around... make it happen.
so... when you call me out of the clear blue sky.. and not even ask if we would like to come see your recital... knowing that I have a family that will be needing supper and their homework done and two jobs (one of which starts at 2:30AM) don't expect me to drop everything like our dad would... and run to your rescue. well, your mom's rescue.

Mother's Day weekend details

hello all. I took the week off from my blog last week. Mostly because I was just completely drained. So, It's catchup time
Last time I posted was 05/07, we were getting ready for Mother's Day weekend. I spoke with "V" she didn't pass her nursing school test and didn't land her nursing job and didn't need a sitter to celebrate. I offered to watch her daugters anyway, told her that she and hubby could have some alone time. Didn't happen.
Hubs and I went to see Wolverine and Star Trek on Friday. We spent almost the entire day in the theater. From 10AM til 4PM. Both movies were excellent. a total plus for Wolverine was seeing Hugh Jackman's finely scuplted self NAKED.... wowsers! Hubs and I were the only ones in the theater, besides a guy that sat two rows but directly behind us... I suspect trying to make sure I didn't molest Hubs... drat! I kept saying lines to Hubs, he swore that I'd brought someone else to see it..but most of it was common sense stuff... laughable really..
If you haven't seen Star Trek.. get up, shut off the pc and go... GO NOW!!!
We went to the 24 block yard sale. I wasn't impressed this year. I wanted to look for clothes for me. Jeans/shorts.. maybe a few nice outfits for the training week.. (I'm going to have to dress like a girl and I"M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT) [small tantrum, sorry] I have a confession to make... right here, right now.... I'm a yard sale profiler... there I said it. Can you forgive me... No.. oh well. You there in the corner... Not sure what a "yardsale profiler' is? Well, let me tell you. I don't want to spend my entire day going through someone else's crap. I have other things at home I could be doing. Cleaning, napping, playing on Facebook, buying groceries... did I mention the nap. Anyway. I glance at who is having the yardsale, normally we sell clothes that we've grown out of...So... who's having the sale? A woman, a man? are there clothes? Is there a woman present? Is she bigger or smaller than me? if she is smaller than I am... I can pretty much tell you the clothes at that sale... are going to be smaller than me as well. If she is bigger.... well let's just go have a look-see. This year at the 24 block yard sale... I walked 10 miles. and visited EVERY house with a woman that was my size or bigger. (and Karma came with me) every single woman that had clothes, actually had clothes that were the size I want to be and not the size that I've become. (last year, I had nasal surgery. I was put on several meds and over the course of 3 months gained forty pounds. I've lost some weight and am now in a size 14. but would very much like to be a size 10. I'm not looking for a drastic unhealthy change just something I can manage and be proud of)
Sunday we went to the baseball game and had a great time.. LuLu HAD to wear a dress... too cute. Punk decided to stay with us rather than go to his dad's. he also decided it was a good idea to bring his ipod with us to our Family outing which was not received well. It was sunburn weather but it being mother's day and all.. I decided to take sunblock with us! woo hoo!! GO ME!! Ate supper and drank beer there... nice, our team won, double nice!
About the training trip.... thanks for your comments, ladies, on what you would do.. a friend of mine at work suggested that I still ride with "Mrs. Olson" (from little House on the Prairie, I promise she is a dead ringer in mannerisms) so that I could get to know her and the other two better... The P.C. way to go, no doubt. [shrug] I am very much about driving myself, have decided to pick up a few bottles of wine for the occasion, too. I went to the local Goodwill to look for some outfits. Found some nice things, go to try them on ... apparently the sizes for juniors were mixed in with the adults. not fun for me. Lulu sat there the entire time asking questions... do you remember the chatty girl from The Cosby Show. (talking so fast that you wonder if she's breathing) this is my 3 1/2 year old.) I get lost in the questions... wind up answering one for another.. and she's too bright so she's laughing and having a great time.. meanwhile... I'm ONE failed clothes shopping trip away from signing up for the METH of the month club!! [breathing.......]

There isn't enough Calgon in the world...

Last Thursday morning was a complete nightmare... I woke out of a sound sleep and thought "OH DAMMITT, I'm late for work" grab my cellphone to find out why it didn't alarm and wake me. It hadn't gone off because it was 11PM, NOT 2:15AM..grrrr! I went back to sleep.. got up when the alarm went off, got dressed, fed the cat, and left. Got to the drop site to pick up the papers.. the back sections are there... but no front sections. I'm told the fronts won't arrive until AFTER 4AM. I decide I'm going to try to sleep. No point in worrying about something I have no control over. Got no sleep. The papers arrive at 4:30AM! I do my route and get to the very end... short. I'm missing 5 front page sections!! ARRGGGHHH!!! We are currently doing a promotion.. anyone signed up for the paper gets the paper daily, even if their subscription is say Sunday only or Weekends only. So, in an effort to not drive 20miles out and back to buy the 5 papers I needed and go home. I find 5 boxes that are weekends only and remove the papers, take them to their respective boxes and go home. On the way home, I call Punk. He gets on the bus at 7:45AM, I'm 20 minutes from home and it's 7:30AM (normally I'm home again by 6AM....
"Please don't get on the bus. I'm running late, I'll take you to school." he's groggy, but agrees. I ask him to go take the phone to Lulu.
"good mornin' mommy"
"LuLu, I'm still out on my route, I need you to get up and get dressed."
"can I wear a dress today mommy?"
"No, not today, just get some jeans and a nice top. I'll be home in a few minutes and I'll take you to the sitters and Punk to school"
"Okay"

So, I run home - my hair practicly on fire... get there... she's dressed but in a tank top and Easter hat ONLY. I rush to get her dressed. Punk says that he has taken care of his morning chores and then askes me this question "Mom, Why didn't you want me to ride the bus? Why did you want to take me to school?"
My thoughts at the time escape me. I remember word for word what I said though "What time did I get home?"
"8:12"
"What time do you get on the bus?"
"Well, it's not always the same time, sometimes he's late, sometimes he's ear..."
I cut him off... "roughly, what time?"
"7:45"
"okay, so... just looking around the room... would anything have been out of place, if you had gotten on the bus? Would anyone have still been at home, when you got on the bus?'
his answer was simple..... "oh"
from then on my day got real bad real quick.
I left my keys inside the house. went back in for them, she exclaimed that she wanted water to drink on the way to the sitters. I told her she could wait til she got there, after all it was a 6 minute drive...
She continued with her demands, my blood boiling I lost my temper... told her to go get in the car. Grabbed a bottle from the fridge and my keys and went back out to the car.
Half way up the street, "Punk, today is the day to turn in your spring picture order form. but I will order them online, you won't need to turn it in."
"no, Mrs. Teacher said we have to bring the order form in, I have to take it in, I have to"
"No, I'll order them online."
"no, I need the oder form, we have to turn them in"
My car screeches to a halt. I do the worst job of turning around my small little Yaris... like a 4 point turn... go in.. steaming... about to explode.... grab the order form... take it back out to the car. I show Punk.
and read aloud... "Steps to order... 1, 2, 3,4. OR...you can go online at blah.com and order. Punk, the word 'OR' means that if you choose to do this... you don't have to do this other shit!"
"fine, I didn't know that it said that you could order it online....'
"except for the 3 times I just told you that I would order them online.. but that's not good enough for you... you have to get me to this point... you have to make my ears bleed before you will listen to what I'm trying to do for you."
He's silent.
I continue fuming as I drive the two of them to the end of the street. Explaining to them that they are 10 years apart and yet I can not understand how they still fight as though they are the same age. That I can't take it... that I see them for two hours a day (during the week) and the entire time I see them the are fighting with each other or me. That I will probably have to continue with having two jobs for the next 5 years and I will not continue listening to them fight. I explain to them that they aren't allowed to speak until they get where they are going.
By the time I reach the end of the street.. I'm in tears... I call the admin that works for my boss.
"I'm not well, I'm not going to be able to come in today, I will not be pleasant'
"are you okay... is everyone okay?"
"everyone is fine.. but I've had it and I need to stay home and rest or I'll exlpode" still crying.
she agrees, "call me if you need me or anything"
nothing more was said by Punk until we got to his school.. I hate mornings/days/times like this... and would rather have hugged him and told him I was sorry and once again... I just want him to listen and help and understand.. but no... Its all been said and heard and it's worn out. I just worry when we fight that every time I see him could be the last time I see him and .....then what?
"Try to have a better day, honey."
he gives me the classic teenager "go to hell and die bitch" look and says "yea, I'll try" and walks inside.
I drive away... I've stopped crying, thinking about what an awlful, horrible, piece of trash mom I've become... and LuLu from the back seat says...
"I'm sorry that we made you upset and that we fight, mommy." she starts crying.
I try to console her.. she understands way more than she should for her age. I apologize for angry words and tell her over and over that I love them both. she knows that and at least she still wants that love for now.
I take her in.. tell the sitter that LuLu might be in a bad mood today, that it's my fault and that we had a horrible morning. tell her some of what happened... she has three boys, and yes, still runs a daycare out of her home. The woman is a SAINT in my opinion.
I go home, wait for Hubs
I tell him that he almost came home to my shirt soaked in blood and explain what happened...
he's sympathetic. he's told me before he wouldn't be able to do what I have to do. We eat breakfast, we shower.. together, always together. and we go to sleep.

Lovin Lyrics #2

Nine Inch Nails - Hurt

I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real The needle tears a hole The old familiar sting Try to kill it all away But I remember everything What have I become? My sweetest friend Everyone I know Goes away in the end You could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt I wear this crown of shit Upon my liar's chair Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair Beneath the stains of time The feeling disappears You are someone else I am still right here What have I become? My sweetest friend Everyone I know Goes away in the end You could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt If I could start again A million miles away I would keep myself I would find a way

Over 30

I got this today and had to share it with you.. I'm sure you know more that you can add, if so... comment and put 'em in there.

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.

Uphill... barefoot... BOTH ways. In the SNOW

Yadda, yadda, yadda!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! No where was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone 'cause that's how we rolled; dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!

When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And We didn't have any fancy Sony Play Station video And games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd

another routine

Funny how plans or goals are ever changing. I brought a notebook to work today to jot down some things that I need to start doing.. a routine if you will, anyway I'd found a list of things that I wanted to try to start doing, didn't happen. I'd become very routine for some reason... and I was happy with it. Punk had gotten to a self sufficient stage and I was able to do things around the house without the need of much worry over him. Then along came LuLu and well for lack of better terms.. my routines were shot to hell. Then I tweaked and twittled, messed and fussed til I got another routine figured out. Then without warning a job change. (same employer different position) Good for family... bad for routine... again with the messing and tweaking. A new routine.. and BAM... the paper route. Now my idea of a routine is leave my primary job.. try not to sit down while making supper (I'll fall asleep), eat, a little tv with the family, shower and off to bed. It's becoming a trial to make it to 8:30PM without falling asleep.
I feel like having a routine helps me get things done. And that if I could start a routine, doing these things consistently each day well... it might become easier to juggle all these balls... that's how it's been in the past for me... minus the second job of course.
Needless to say that all the things on the list that I found no longer apply. Some do.. like "lessen the sugar intake" (I have a problem) or "dog's to dog park once a month" not that they need it, they play in our backyard just fine. but I'm all about an occasional change of scenery. Some don't like "get into a bedtime routine" that one has pretty much been taken care of... No staying up til 2AM for me anymore.. I'd never sleep if that was the case.

Choices made for me...

Training trip coming up the first week of June... we've been told that we were using rental cars and carpooling. I was out Friday spending the day with Hubs... at the movies. Now I find out that on Friday we were told that we have to drive our own vehicles and that we could still carpool but it would be our decision.
Everyone has chosen who to ride with... the car that I would ride in - is now full. And the only people left to ride with... are the people that you'd rather not ride with.
So, now do I suck it up and ride with ... THEM... or do I drive myself.. the 3 hour trip (each way). Keep in mind that driving isn't a big deal... choice of music... and volume... not to mention when/where/how to leave..
I'm thinking that I'll drive myself...
what would you do?

Busy Momma!

My weekend is filling up... completely filling up.
Friday - Hubs and I (well I) have planned for MONTHS to sit in the theater ALL DAY. I want to go see Wolverine and Star Trek. and from the sounds of what people are saying it will have to be in that order as well. have also seen a few others that I'd like to take a peek at but may just stay with the two. Cannot wait to see Star Trek.. he's not a fan at all and I think he's pumped about it from the chatter he's heard. (I personally wanted him to watch the dvds and get a little background... but ... yea... well he didn't have time)
"V" watched my kids last Friday so we could go out... and I've offered to return the favor - that's supposed to happen Saturday but I haven't gotten confirmation yet.
There's a TATTOO FESTIVAL yes you read that right... going on this weekend here... I've mentioned it in previous posts... and I WANT TO GO - thinking we might do that after the movies while the kids are still in their respective pins.
Saturday there is a 24 block yardsale.. and I've gone every year for the past four years. Sometimes I find stuff, sometimes not so much. I don't spend alot of time there but it's good exercise and cheap clothes.. plus it's helping my environmental quest. Last year I found some nice jeans for me, some tops for Lulu, shorts for Hubs.. and Punk insisted on some cards of some type.
I just got a call from a girl that used to work at my paper route... she's having a huge party from 12:30 to 5pm... *party yes.. but huge... if you schedule the end of the party... can it really get huge??**
I'm not sure that we'd go there.. but it's BYOB.. and I need to look for an allergy proof beer anyway... ahem.. excuse much?!...
oh.. and of course.. don't forget the only day that I'm allowed to be publicly worshipped, oh and as a mother.. Mother's Day is Sunday.. I've asked Hubs to take the night off from work and take me to a Baseball game.. * he nearly threw up while laughing at me, but that's what I want to do! Couple of beers, a dog, and some good clean yellin', other choices could range from simple to holy cow.. but given that I have to work that night regardless I think I'll just choose the ball game.
Other Mother's Day choices...
Spa Day - did it
Mani/Pedi with LuLu - did it.
Movies - doing it on Friday
Hockey game - again with the beer and screaming... did it. out of season and our city no longer has a hockey team. grrrr!
A trip to Georgia... to the Silver Comet Trail.. - okay... sick ass me... I want to take a couple weeks off... No kids.. just tents and a few spare clothes.. start at one end of the trail and bike and camp to the other end.
New River Trail - see above same scenerio.
3some... - Hmmmm been one way (FMF), but not the other.. now that would be an interesting mother's day.. *happy mothers day,honey ... this is my friend_____* sorry... daydreamed there for a sec. oo ooo ooo another story just sprang to mind. I'll have to tell you about the time that Hubs brought a guy home for lunch...*
Trip to NYC to see a play (Wicked, I hope) - haven't done it.. would do nearly anything to do it... but again the time thing...
Trip to Peru - I'd LOVE to go to Peru.. to the ruins.. hiking.. camping perhaps.. would be alittle more than a weekend trip... but lovely still. Would totally be memorable and very SIGH worthy!
Or totally surprise me... anything like the above - only... something they thought of... *you're probably reading this going.. Damn... that's quite a range of stuff?! ... yea well... that's the life of the Sockpuppet. and I'm happy with it.

Lovin' Lyrics #1

The Cure - Just Like Heaven

"Show me how you do that trick The one that makes me scream" she said "The one that makes me laugh" she said And threw her arms around my neck "Show me how you do it And I promise you I promise that I'll run away with you I'll run away with you" Spinning on that dizzy edge I kissed her face and kissed her head And dreamed of all the different ways I had To make her glow "Why are you so far away?" she said "Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you That I'm in love with you" You Soft and only You Lost and lonely You Strange as angels Dancing in the deepest oceans Twisting in the water You're just like a dream Daylight licked me into shape I must have been asleep for days And moving lips to breathe her name I opened up my eyes And found myself alone alone Alone above a raging sea That stole the only girl I loved And drowned her deep inside of me You Soft and only You Lost and lonely You Just like heaven

Lovin' Lyrics

I'm feeling bubbly today. Thought I'd start a little game of my own, seems everyone who has a blog has one.. So, here's mine. I'm gonna share some lyrics with you... Sometimes I find that I simply fall in love with a song.. or completely hate it (Hinder - Lips of an Angel) based on my ideal of the meaning... feel free to give me your thoughts on a song but keep in mind.. I don't change my mind that often. ;-)
So... my next submission (hehe) is the first of "Lovin' Lyrics".... If you want to play along.. feel free.. just please copy me... I live and die by music... [shrug, maybe I was someone musical before this]

Sockpuppet says - comment and play along... Muah!

Weally busy Wednesday

today was my annual with my good 'ol (well, not-so-old) OBGYN. think Clark Kent... wait I'll go steal a pic... okay got it... hang on...









cute... huh?!?! the pic doesn't do him justice! anyway... I moved to this city with Endometriosis... I actually had to TELL the doctors in my hometown that I had it! After a few years of them 'trying different things". Met this doctor and will not see anyone else... when he leaves here - I will go to him for my visits. Not kidding. I can tell this man anything - trust me when I say anything.. there's not always a filter on my mouth! He's the kind of doctor that I can talk with my small little words and feelings, I can get my point across and he will actually talk back in words that I can understand. (you know the ones that consist of less than 8 syllables) ps. If you have to sign up for a disease in your next life... and enjoy having sex as much as I do... Endo is not for you. Ladies, think of your worst period day ever... then have it ALL OVER YOUR BODY & EVERYDAY. Now, it has eased over the years.. The years with Ex were HELL (sometime I'll tell you a story about him)
anyway... back to today.
Hubs went with me.. cause that's what Hubs does... =) We joke, we laugh, we pick on each other.. just being us. we're sitting in the room.. waiting.. waiting.. waiting for the dr. I'm in my ab fab paper gown (I hope they recycle) It's been too long...
"while we waiting.. why don't you come over here and do me"
"haha"
"I'm serious, get over here"
"you used to tell me to stay away from you before these appointments"
"No, I said you couldn't "finish" before these appointments. I've never told you to stay away from me"
"So, you wanna make a mess before he gets in here?!"
"Sure, If you're late for the party.. you get stuck cleaning up the mess!"
Hubby shakes his head....
"haha"
needless to say.. he didn't run over to me... I'm hoping it was the fear I imagine he has of being caught.
So the doc comes in .. we catch up... no problems.. no birth control... I want something to help my metabolism.. (get rid of this ahem.. apartment that LuLu left behind) and give me about 16 more hours in each day.
We proceed to talk while he 'examines' me... NOT FUN. it always hurts.. always.. pokin' prodin' I feel like a turkey on Thanksgiving. Then he starts the ovary squeeze. okay... can we say pain? I mean for god's sake the man had his elbow in there!! He felt something - not right- with my right ovary.. said it could be the endo again... or a "chocolate cyst"... "that's not from eating too much chocolate is it? Cause there's gonna be more if so" He assures me that chocolate isn't a problem for my cysts and doesn't add that it could be impacting my waistline... *see I told you he's a good one* signs me up for an ultrasound.. and we're outta there. Two weeks till the appt. Geesh.. and weird thing.. my left ovary has been killing me for days... I always say it's the endo. I'm just used to the pain. I'm used to it, It's part of me. I'm sure it's not as bad as other women's endo problems so, I'm thankful for that. No matter what, it could always be worse.
Hubs and I went to our favorite little chocolate store after the appointment for a treat. He gets something that I call nipples in there... I'm sorry they look like little tits with nipples on 'em.. I'll take pic and post it later - He jokes with "H", the girl there, that he has to get his nipples in pairs because an odd amount would just be weird. (He's a nipple guy.. no really.. he is. I'd met "leg" men, foot fetish people, lingerie guys... he's my first admited "nipple guy")
then to a little Barbeque place we like to go to for a quick "no kids" lunch. I've told hubs "the only way it could be any better, would be if they put in a titty bar" I don't think our state allows the full view but hey.. I'd still go.. nothing like dinner and a show.. except for lunch and a show... ;-)
Bought a few books... Michael J. Fox's "Always Looking UP' (I need some optimism now and then), and for my sci-fi fix... I got.. "Marked" by P.C. and Kristin Cast and "Unclean Spirits" by M.L.N. Hanover. I plan to read them.. that's the best I can offer.

ch ch ch changes...

My distribution center has closed. That is to say, the lease has run out on the building that I and several other carriers pick up our newspapers.
It's mostly an empty building with a few tables and a restroom. Quite a few people have gotten into the habit of putting their papers together inside this building and now... they can't. What do I mean by put them together? Well, for those of you that don't know or don't get a paper.. let me dumb it WAY down for you. The newspaper comes to the carriers in sections... bundled in packs of let's just say 50 papers. For conversation sake... a front section and a back section, and now lets give you a meegar route. My last route had 200 subscribers. So, now you have "400" papers that you need to put together and "serve" ala' carte to your subscribers. Imagine the eight... seperate... bundles... in your car ....at 3AM... in the dark. (For now.. we'll also say it's a clear night)
So, now you have people who have stood in the building and put their papers (front and back) together. Who had a system that worked for them, and through no fault of their own now have to figure out how to do this all over again. It can be very tedious. I know it sounds petty... childish even. Oh, No!! they want a table?? But consider your own job and something that possibly you use that makes it easier for you... now... do without it. Would you give in? give up? say it's too hard, forget it? Demand satisfaction! Well, sometimes you can't get no satisfaction... and have to adjust.
That's what I'm doing.
I haven't given in fully to using the tables except on Sundays when the coupons, comics and who-knows-what-else is in there. Trust me when I tell you papers can fill up a car mighty quick. I'm working on a quicker way to do my route (360 subscribers, on a 45 mile route) and get it to under 2.5 hours. Right now.. yes I know I've only been by myself a week.. it's taking me nearing 3 hours to do it. In my eyes unacceptable! (of course... I'm insatiable anyway!) The guideline is that all papers should be delivered on the weekdays by 6AM and on the weekends by 7AM. This morning... sigh... I was done at 6:32AM, at 6AM I started counting how many papers I had yet to deliver. 54 in total. including a new subscriber that didn't have a box. (I left them a note. "I'll install a box for you this weekend. Thanks, Tessa") Now, put into account that it was raining and I was putting each paper in a seperate bag while delivering and driving.. and no woodland creatures were harmed during the delivery of my papers. (Don't know what it is with the animals.. they see the car and suddenly they're all trying to run with the Bulls or some crap...Whatever?!)
Have I told you yet that my route is in the country.. yes.. the country.. dirt roads... gravel roads... farms... swaying, curvy, hilly roads that would make any Indy driver sick with envy. Also I have a confession to make... the first day I drove the route before accepting it... I fell in love. AH! Fresh Air?! who knew this was back here?? I've been on roads like this! Winding, driving a little too fast and the back tires trying to grab hold... fun! .... There are trees... and grass and (achoo, pardon me!) bugs and cow manure! I drove through with "V" the first week and we were naming smells... lilac... fresh cut grass... pine... creek... manure.... SIGH! I'm both freakin' people from Green Acres... give me city life (or at least conveniences) but don't you dare take my country life away from me... I'll choke and die..... I told Hubs this morning... "This route makes me miss 'my hometown'... Isn't it crazy that I spent my teens and 20s trying to figure out how to get out of that hole and now I'd do just about anything to get back?"
I want a clothesline... I'm so sick in the head that the thought of having a clothesline LITERALLY brings tears to my eyes. (I need help!)
Also, Hubs got a phone call this morning while at work. There's a route (he drives tractor trailers for a certain major package carrier) being moved near his hometown. Also, country but much farther from convenience... in fact it would take some planning and a day trip to get to major convenience. (we rarely go "home") I'm not sure that I could go quite that far into the sticks. The kids have better education where we are.. there's more to do where we are... but then there's also the looming of me possibly loosing my job or jobs with the economy or power struggles or whatever. Stupid me.. Hell yea I'd go back to high school and start over... I hate that I've gotten myself into a career that chess players can decide whether or not whole buildings can remain or close. Sorry just me being insatiable again.... But if I went back... there'd be too much I'd change... too many conversations I'd force... too many chances that I would've taken that could have lead to some other life... Remember those "choose your own ending" books. I want one of those... for my life... I could read that thing for ever... leave me where I am, sure I'm happy here and I love my life... but let's go tweak some stuff, I wanna know the "what if" Let me say things that I've wanted to say for the last 17 years... and see what happens... let me undo little things... like the night I crouched in my truck, when I was afraid someone who wasn't supposed to see me might've seen me... (I was supposed to meet THE GUY that night.. he was going to take me to his house...He drove by but didn't see me and didn't stop... still kick myself... I was hiding from mutual friends that told him that I was to young for him...)

blah blah blah

Happy Monday people... I'm trying desperately to stay awake. I came into work today after being at 2nd job earlier this morning. There was work waiting on me this morning.... I've done that and am now trying to stay awake. I have drank all of my water and have had lunch. My XM radio is happily chirping songs at me from the coolest little channel I can find. *1st wave* (shameless plug) and I'm bored off my freakin' chair. I brought my book... I have a circle-a-word... if I start doing either of those shortly after you will hear the sound of my head as it crashes on the top of my desk.
I just text my sister.... hey... {whispering} I'm in the bathroom, call me and wake me up in 15 minutes.
she text me back..... {whispering} ... I can't I'm at work too. =)
haha! She lives in PA and I live in VA - don't know if I've told you that. We text much more than we call. We used to text each other when we saw a punch bug... now we text each other personalized license plates.
There's a tattoo festival going on here this coming weekend... Hubs has already said he wants to go.. I've made jokes about sliding under the needle and askin' some random artist to scratch my back with his needle... hahaha. We've both gotten two tats. Neither of us have tats that have anything to do with the other or their tats. His first was from a...looooonnnngggg time ago.. a playboy bunny with some sort of tribal banding stuff under it... near his left peck. (It is not the Hubs that I know and I probably would've done my best to suggest something else) and he got a tattoo of the symbol for his employer... die hard I know. Anywho... I have a Dr. Seuss character... He's a Yop. And he's from the book "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish" other Suess characters that I want tattoos of are.... Lorax w/ Truffla Trees and I want my Yop to be given a Butter Battle Flag. I also have a beautiful lady with dragon wings on my left shoulder - she covers my entire shoulder. (picture from the top of my shoulder to where my bra strap is and then from side to spine - yes all of it, I'll post a pic) I'd asked her to have more boobs than she has but I think my tattoo girl thought I was joking. (I wasn't... boobs are good!) I told Hubs that I'm going to get another tat on my right shoulder... I've gone back and forth with what it should be... the exact same as my left only making them face each other... a guy in the same winged setup facing her... or my fav so far would be a floor length mirror and in the mirror a young girl/teen posed the same as my dragon lady... I dunno...

V trained me for the new route all last week. I want to tell you first and foremost... I love this chick. I won't go into too many details I know that that's totally unlike me but I know you'll forgive me. Surprising all the discussions complete strangers can get into in a car for 3 to 4 hours at 3AM. Such as... kids (take 'em or leave'em), husbands (same), previous jobs, previous lovers... we even talked about how nice it would be to have a wife.

I personally would love to have a wife. I know, I know for you diehards... that's what my husband is for... but sit back and think... much as you love him... does he do absolutely everything for you... that you do for him... sickness and health... can you share everything with him... when was the last time he took off to take care of you while you were sick? when was the last time you both had a spa day together? Now I'm not bashing men, least of all mine because he's done all these things and so much more.. especially since I now have two jobs...

Anyway, you know me... back to my story.. V and I are driving down this road wearing pajamas (I know lucky me,right!), putting papers in boxes, discussing life in general. We get to a box that was on vacation the week before she puts a paper in the box and begins to scream her head off. I look around for some sort of murdering idiot only to find that a bird has flown from inside the box into her Blazer. We both hop out and open all the doors. It finally flies away but not before it gave us its birdy lecture about waking it at 3:30AM and that we were not to disturb her eggs under any circumstances. Next night, nothing... in fact for two nights nothing... she must've hauled her eggs to a sitter and went to the Rockin' Robin for a little R&R before the babes are born. (... and who can blame her, one's enough let alone 3 or 4 hungry mouths, good grief!) But, low and behold, Saturday morning... Punk and I were out, my first night without my chaperone and he with only me for protection... I used my flashlight to see what there was to see... nothing... then I pulled up a little closer.. hoping I had the right angle and she wouldn't fly in if she was there. Still nothing, I slid the paper in nice and easy... didn't even put it all the way in the box. The BIRD is back... dun! dun! dun! Flew in the car... squawkin' I did the best I could not to scream... instead made some sort of muffled ew! ew! ew! noise. Punk, luckily was asleep but woke up after she'd flown out. Yea...just try to shew a bird out of your car... not sure what kinda she was but for our purposes let's go with wren. Either way... I wasn't very persuasive at first.. then just started talking to her.. and she apparently decided that people who beg wild birds to leave their car aren't that exciting and she left.
I called the owner of the box, sweet older couple. Introduced myself as the new carrier and mentioned the bird. They knew about the bird. Said that her husband had cleaned out the box last year and a new nest was build this year. I told her about the bird in the car and that I hoped they hadn't heard me. I asked if it would be okay if I threw the paper (in a bag) in their driveway. She said that would be fine and then after the babies are finished with the nest we plan on putting a "flap" on the entrance of the paperbox. (think the hole punch game on the Price is Right) It's normally used to keep people from stealing the paper but it will also keep birds from making nests in the box.
ps. door to door my new route is 70 miles. I doubled my subscriber amount and pay as well. We took the passenger seat out of my little car. Put in my XM Radio. Put deer whistles on the the front (LOTS of deer on my route). I recycle any papers that are left over after a week. not sure if' I've mentioned it before but if you don't already know, here Carriers buy their own supplies... meaning rubberbands and bags. To me, they should be supplied by the paper. Just another way I think I'm a little more OCD than other people. I have to rubberband the papers. They look better, easier to handle, and it keeps me busy while I ride from box to box. As far as the bags, if it rains or snows or you name it.. it goes in a bag. As well as if there is a paper that I have to put on a porch, especially in the country, I don't want someone spilling their coffee or an animal pee'ing on the paper. I could get blamed for it and there are only so many complaints that can be called in on me before I get written up.