Surprise! Surprise!!

I know it's been forever since I posted. I blame it mostly on lack of internet.

I have an announcement to make and a story to tell... first the announcement.
I'm pregnant (again)
And as promised, the story.
Hubs and I decided we'd have a baby when we were ready for LuLu. We tried (for lack of a better word) once. Boom! It wasn't long until I sort of knew.. I hadn't taken a test but I didn't "feel right". My body just wasn't me. My pants started getting tight and when I lay down on my side at night I felt uncomfortable; like there was a knot in my side. September 2009 came and I started having that little "knot" feeling when I tried to sleep. I also started having pains in my side and couldn't come up with a reason for them. I couldn't remember if I'd had a period in August and asked Hubs if he remembered. He told me that he thought they'd been coming at a different pace than normal and maybe it would come this week. I confessed that I didn't feel well and debated on taking a test right then or waiting a few more days. My thoughts (and the knot) got the better of me and I decided to take a test early Tuesday morning. Sure enough... once again. BOOM!
Hubs current schedule had him coming home from work as I got the kids and myself ready for the day. I heard him pull in the drive and shoved the test in the pocket of my robe and went to meet him. I walked in the garage as he opened the door to come in. I smiled and flashed him... (something I've always done.. gets a little smile from him...) Then said... "Oh, wait! Maybe I shouldn't do that. That's how we got this..." and showed him the positive test. His face did a few little changes and settled on 'uh, really?!"
Long story short... I called the Doc to set up an appointment, told them about the pains in my side that I was having. She told me to drop everything and come in then. From that point on every Tuesday and Thursday I was in the office. Ultrasounds and tests.. trying to figure out if the pain was actually a "miscarriage" that we'd caught in action or a tubal pregnancy we'd have to end anyway. Three ultrasounds later.. still no baby. Nothing on the screen to indicate that it was really happening. They took blood on the final Tuesday and started looking at hormone levels. They said the levels would double every two days. So, on Thursday I would know if I was pregnant or if they would admit me and well, "it would be over". Wednesday I got a call from the nurse, the levels hadn't doubled. The nurse explained that they were looking for a 66% increase and instead got a 63%. She said it was enough to believe that everything was okay and that she would schedule my Thursday appointment for another ultrasound. My appointment turned out to be scheduled for a week later. In that time, I'd gotten myself to the point that I really didn't care. I was pretty sure that since we weren't planning this pregnancy and with everything going on in our lives the way it is.. that well, it was a wake up call. I became very numb. Hubs asked me several times a day if I was okay but I didn't really know why until he explained that I wasn't acting like myself.
Thursday came. The ultrasound room was cold, but my favorite ultrasound lady (Karen) was super nice and started up her little machine. Before you know it... the dark curtain that had been on the screen for so many trips to this cold room had been drawn back to show my little squiggle. Heart beat as loud as it could get and just as fast... as if it were screaming to me... "Dammit, don't you give up on me!!! I'm here! I'm here!!!"
And suddenly, I'm pregnant again. totally shocked and feeling as though I'd been tricked or she was actually showing me a film of some other ladies squiggle. I didn't know how to react. I felt as if any moment she would say.. "oh, I'm sorry, that was a tape from another appointment. My apologies." But know. My Squiggle is there and growing. 14 weeks this past Sunday. Of course that changes as the squiggle changes.. my due date's been changed once already.. It was May 9th. Now May 1st. unfortunatly I don't have a prayer of making it til May.. both my babies have been early. Since this one was a complete surprise, I expect nothing less from the rest of the pregancy.

I'm not ready for this...

LuLu is 4yo now. And she's becoming more and more interested in the world around her... Why does Daddy have to work? Where is Punk? Why does Punk's daddy live far away... I miss him?
Some of these questions I have answers for... some I feel like an utter idiot for the kind of answer I have to give her... (Wait til your 30, Marry for love and only once... "do as I say" bullshit) and some of them... well alot of them are the sort of questions that make me have so many emotions that it's just hard to explain. Daydream with me a minute...

I picked up LuLu from the sitter yesterday. She toddled her little entirely-too-pink self to the car and crawled inside. "Did you have a good day at work, Mommy?" as if I could pour out my soul to her and she in return ready to bare the same for me... although I doubt the scuffle of her best friend, Jada, saying that Ryan was actually her boyfriend and not LuLu's would compare to my "if I make it to January" in the position rumor mill going on in my life. But somehow I made my day magically, "Yes, I had a really good day. What did you do today?", a basic lie. She was satisfied.
I decided to run to the library and check out a few books on CD, so that I'll have something besides the same 'ol music to listen to while doing my paper route and we'd get back home quickly.
Once home we changed into our pjs, like we always do and I started supper. LuLu normally helps if I'm making something with fresh veggies. Today she couldn't help though and occupied herself by "reading" a story to her 5 babies all conveniently named Sally.
I lost track of her for a few minutes, reading directions to a new 'box dinner" I was preparing.. (Cashew Chicken - yummy!) and she called for me from the bathroom. This usually means I have to wipe her bottom... she's currently only allowed to clean herself after she pee's. Anyway, I get into the bathroom to find her standing waiting for me. She looked up at me, smiled and then IT happened. She, standing with her legs shoulder width apart, bent her legs slightly, lunged her "lily' upward, spread the hood of her vagina open with her fingers and said... "What's this?" My eyes widened and I looked to see if she was pointing to a boo boo, a red lily... who knows what else... but only to find that she has discovered her clitoris!! (Really!? Do I really have to explain what that is!? NOW?! TO A 4 YEAR OLD??? And mind you... not just any 4 year old. This child has one helluva memory on her. To the point that I would almost bet, if she thought about it, could tell you what her own birth was like. So I know that whatever I tell her is going to be not only remembered but taken for gospel - which on a daily basis scares the livingshit out of me!)
I tried not to run, not to burst into laughter, not to 'poo poo' her question... the LAST thing I want is a child who's scared of their body... My first thought after that was "do I say clitoris to her?" then 'wait, if I say clitoris to her... she'll say clitoris to EVERYONE" I opted for the nearest thing to it that I could say without giving it an additional nickname "it's just a part of your lily, honey." Her imidiate response was one that I felt coming... "But it's so soft, Mommy... why is it so soft?" Good grief?! was the bathroom getting smaller? I felt like I was on one of those eerily silly tv shows with canned laughter and all cameras poised for my next response... "Well, it's soft because girls parts are supposed to be soft." Honest, to the point, good one, unfortunately... she determined that it was also deserving a response and I hadn't anticpated it until she began to speak again.. "Ick, and boys parts are NOT soft, Mommy!"
Sigh! Touche my darling!

It's been difficult for me to post anything to my blog. I don't have access from work anymore, because our computer time is logged including emails. So that's out. And well, as I've said before.. I really don't have time to do anything at home and I'm trying to squeeze in time to clean.
I'm not used to not having time to clean. I'd had everything down to a science before I got the second job. Well, before I had LuLu anyway...
It's amazing how stressed I get over work, money, lack of time, etc. It's just as amazing how much better cleaning my home makes me feel. Weird, huh?!
Punk is coming back in a week! I can't wait! I've missed him so badly. It'll be nice just to have him where I can see him again. His birthday is Saturday. He'll be 13. I asked him what he'd like for his birthday and he couldn't name anything. So, I've been thinking of getting something. There's one thing that I had in mind. Well, at least one thing that's not incredibly expensive... but we'll have to see how it goes.
My first job is still up in the air... from what people are saying -- we won't really know for sure that we actually have a job until well after January.
Also, I'm trying to come up with a way to show Punk about earning money and paying bills Without using my actual money or bills.
Well, it's 9pm and I have to be up at 1:45AM...

Busy lady

I've been delivering papers since March. I love it... I have to tell you... the night air, the peace, the clean open sky. Very peaceful, very me. I'm trying to fit everything in, still. My schedule is a hectic one.. let me give you a look.
primary job (monday/friday) - 8:30AM til 5:00PM
LuLu has to be picked up from daycare by 5:30PM
secondary job (daily) - 2:30AM to (usually)5:00AM
I've been trying to stay up when I get home from the route to clean house... I don't feel "right" unless the house is cleaned and for that matter cleaned the way I like it to be cleaned. It's difficult to stay up, mostly because I get in bed late the night before because Hubby doesn't go to work until after 9PM and I really should be getting in bed nearing 7PM.
School starts again soon. Punk comes home from his summer with his Dad on 08-16. He'll start school on 08-24. We tried to put LuLu in school but they won't make any exceptions to their 'you have to be 5yo" rule.
We got LuLu a library card recently. She adores reading, well I guess I should say she adores being read to. Each week we get between 5 and 7 books (enough to last a week) and each night I read a book to her before we go to bed. She's been sleeping with me since Punk's been gone and Hubby's at work... so it's been like a slumber party this summer. She's such a chatter box... hahaha... most of her breath between words is chatter.
I've been reading alot more too, this summer. I'm waiting on the next installment of two series that I'm in the middle of.
At this point, I keep nodding off so I'm taking a nap.. g'night.

We're at the Beach!!

I looked at my scheduled time off on the calendar at work two weeks ago. I hadn't remembered that I had gotten the week of June 21st off from my first job. I had planned to take it off, usually plan it every year. We try to go camping in my hometown; there's a festival going on that week. Anyway, Hubs couldn't get that week off this year so I traded to have the same week that he has off. This week. I didn't tell him I traded, planned on keeping it a surprise as long as I could. Then last Wednesday came... I was doing the paper route and daydreaming about going to the beach... if only we had time off together... Hey wait a minute!! So, I called everyone I could think of to see if they could do the route for me for four days.
I finally found Desiree, she said she would and trained with me for a few days.
So, now she's doing the paper route and we've found our way to the beach. We are in Wrightsville Beach, NC. It is very peaceful, and beautiful... I didn't want to get out of the water today...
And... I don't know how to swim.

I haven't posted since I left for training. Let me describe it to you... Sunday through Friday.. Hotel gives free HUGE breakfast ... then Work says 'we'll give you $50 per day to eat lunch and supper." Very nice of them right... sure!
Supper started with drink specials at the hotel or at nearby bars... let me explain..
Sunday - $2 domestic beers (hotel)
Monday - $2 mixed drinks (bar) the one I was drowning in was called a "Roofie Bomb" and was regularly $8 per
Tuesday - $1 beers (hotel)
Wednesday - drink all you can til 9PM - free (hotel)
Thursday - $2 drafts (bar)

I wound up getting back to the hotel most nights at 2am and back up again at 7am... Hubs was doing the paper route while I was there. I'd call him while I was going to bed and then when I got up... he just kept telling me to have a good time... and that he loves me...

When I got back I literally hugged Punk and then we drove him to meet his dad.. where he'll stay the entire summer.. I'll get him back the week before school starts.
Still trying to find out what I'm going to be doing for the new company.. but so far they've come up with a few things and I'm sure there's going to be more...
I've not been able to post from work because I'm told that the new company monitors EVERYTHING - so.. don't want anything like a post to send me packing

a joke in mixed company

I came home early today. Called Punk on the way and asked that he turn on the oven, the supper I'd planned would take an hour an a half. When I got home, Punk was putting the dish into the oven, very nice.
We proceed to talk about his day and mine and he starts telling me a joke... not sure if you know it but I'll give you the highlights.. door-to-door salesman - selling mosquito spray - farmer hangs him naked outside overnight - calf ... has his way with salesman.
I asked Punk gently because I already know the answer... "do you know what the calf did to the man?"
He looks at me - quietly... waiting.. he finally says ".... no"
"that's what I thought.... do you know how a calf eats from his mother?"
"yea"
"well, the man was hanging upside down... in the barn..."
"....... AWE MAN.... THAT'S GROSS!"
"and that's why you should be sure you know "why" a joke is funny, before you tell it"

Two full days left...

We're packing at work... in addition to preparing for a week long out of state training class. The entire team of people that I work for, total 18, will be moving our desks, work items, and personal items from the 2nd floor of the building to the 3rd floor. Some of us have been here 20 years, so you can imagine the extent of the move.
I've been here 11 years and this is my 5th move in 3 years. I decided a couple moves ago... less is much much more... so I've taken nearly everything home. I still have pictures, and the odd little desk thing that would have no place at home... like a fan, a zen garden, and a small gargoyle named Fluffy.
I still need to have the majority of my supplies here near me so... the only things that I can move are personal items... So, I'll be doing that today..
Thinking about going to a waterpark for like a day or weekend (if we could stay at a campground for super cheap)
Punk went to a nearby State Zoo today... he's sent me pics of a zebra and a flamingo. So, it seems that he's having a good time.. from the pics it also looks as though it's not raining there (it is here, has since yesterday)
LuLu told me yesterday... "You know dat I'm going wif you to Nof Carlina nes week, wight Mommy?"
In addition to all this... There are 3 ladies that do what I currently do. I've already been told that one of them is moving to another position. And that the New Owners don't have a position that does what I currently do and that no one is sure "what my roll will be when we get back from training"
...makes me nervous....

I've got $160, that okay?

Hubs, LuLu and I drove to the place that we always meet to exchange Punk with his dad yesterday. At 5pm, an hour earlier than normal. LuLu sang at the top of her lungs for what we thought was the entire 34 miles, at some point during the drive I looked behind me to see her slumped over with her mouth agape... in the midst of uncomfortable sleep.
That's how she fights off sleep now... I forget until she does it again. Used to be that she and I would take the same drive by ourselves... and she, just a baby then, would scream the entire 34 miles back home. Never quite sure what she was so upset about... I tried everything. I thought about it being that Punk was suddenly gone from her sight but, then nothing I can do about that. So, I tried other things... leaving the light in the car on.. talking to her.. different toys... a movie... I would call people and have them talk to me just so I could get the schrillness of her pitch out of my head. It felt as though sometimes she was trying to over power the entire car with that out of control screaming. My Dad, forever the upstanding parent... "you got more patience than I got. I'da dun worn 'er ass out!" For what? I have no idea. What "wearing her ass out" would've changed? I haven't a clue. What I do know is there wasn't any point in me pulling off the side of an interstate to have a screaming match with an infant (literally from 1 month until she could speak well) let alone pulling over to "wear her out" which in my opinion would've only made matters worse. I finally reached behind me one day and just stroked her foot with my hand... she immediately stopped crying. It was very uncomfortable to drive that way but then so was driving while my ears were bleeding.
We pull up, we wait and wait and wait. The show up.. Punk and Ex. Punk always looks skinnier and taller when we get him back. He has his patch on, I can tell. How long he's had it on, I don't know and won't know for sure until it starts to wear off. I tell Ex about a bill that I got in the mail for Punk's allergy shots... $170. "okay" he said... nothing more.
Just now he called. "I only had $160 on me, but I put it in your account."
"that's fine, thanks!"
I told my friend at work.. if he'd been half the man he is now.. we'd probably still be together. But I know I can't truthfully say that... because it's this guy that he is with everyone that has always been the cool one. It's the personal guy, the one you marry and work with (trust me cause I did both) that becomes the mind numbing asshole that you want to tie to a tree in some remote wilderness somewhere... whoops sorry.. carried away again. Anyway, it's that guy that never clicked with me.

Wish in One Hand...

The In-laws came down this weekend. Of course, I think my home is in no shape for visiters.. but do I care.. No. I've found that working 60+ hours a week and living on four or less hours of sleep per day.. makes me not care at all. Sure we tidied up here and there.. Tried to do what we were going to do anyway.. but in a shorter time frame. But the dusting didn't get done... I have a black lacquer (sp) tv table that seems to attract dust the second that you're done dusting it. I hadn't given it the weekly bath that it has become accustomed to so it decided to grow hair. So, when M-I-L showed herself... I saw the tv table... smiling at me. With its hairy face. UGH! **Have I mentioned that I really would like to have a wife? Come on? Really!! I want the kind of wife I would be if I didn't have to work so damn much. you know... take care of the kids, clean the house(I'm also allergic to dust), cook for the family, do all the bills and errands, (total plus if she could grocery shop for us and save money, I hate shopping of any kind) and oh yea... snuggle with me... (Hubs and I work opposite schedules. So, during the week I am very lacking in the snuggle department. Sure I get kid snuggles but come on... I mean snuggles with adult sized arms!) ** Sorry I got off topic.
They took us out for lunch... at the only place they seem to enjoy eating, to Red Lobster. I tried something different.. because of all the things I've learned that I'm allergic to I'm really trying to stay away from yeast. Sucks... and it's difficult.
Then back home where I proceeded to fall asleep in my comfy chair... while my inlaws were still there! Talk about embarrassing. I can fall asleep at the mention of silence. I got up to go change clothes figuring that doing something would keep me awake. On may way out of the room my M-I-L said "Lay down if you want to, we understand." And I'm sure they did, but I'm nothing if not stubborn and changed clothes and went back downstairs. They were there for two more hours and I stayed awake the entire time, wishing for a wife that would dust.

One more week

Everyone has been doing a countdown... T-minus 5 days til we leave for training. Everyone except for me, and truth is maybe I should have been counting. I knew what week it was and what day and that it was coming. But good grief, It totally snuck up on me. We leave Sunday... UGH! I'm not happy about it... I'm dreading it. I'm not a good student. I'm not comfortable dressing up... (business casual) and shocker of shockers.. I'm suddenly not comfortable without my family within a good 15 miles of me! (weep!) Not sure if it's the Mom, the caretaker, the control freak or who is stepping forward... but one of these personalities wants to be recognized and she's not letting it go...
I've decided to let someone else drive. It's been recently brought to my attention (I paid bills and balanced what was left on Friday) that it would be much easier for someone else to pay for the gas.... they'll be reimbursed yes, and paid .55 cents per mile, sure. But the "god-knows-how-long" without the cash is what I'm thinking about. Needless to say when I told Ms. Olson and the others that I was going to go ahead and ride with them... they were literally ecstatic.
We've been told to go ahead and start packing our personal items for the move. I've taken several things home over the years. The less I have here, the less I have to move every time we move desks or floors or worse...
Things are very slow today.. So, I'll pack... I'll return if I think of anything else to tell you.

Stupid Things Smart People Say

The same woman that I work with, from last STSPS posting, was leaving a voice mail for one of her clients.

"Mr. ___ my name is ___ . Please call me regarding...
I'm available from 10AM to 8PM eastern standard time.
blah blah blah" and hangs up.

We here in VA use daylight savings time and I actually had a client who stopped me when I said eastern standard time and he said. "So, you come in at a different time than everyone else?"
Which took me by surprise because I don't often have people correct me in that manner.
So since this had happened to me before, I mentioned it to her.
She said. "well, I'd just have to tell 'em. I was being nice to you. but if you want to be that way.. I just can't deal with you."

Lovin Lyrics #3

I missed posting my Thursday 'Lovin' Lyrics' so I'll post it today...
one of my new fav songs....

"The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by The Script

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my handSaying,
"If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"
Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you
'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving
Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go
'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,I'm not moving, I'm not moving
People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world
Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
[Chorus 2x]
Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

Thought for the day

Thought for the day:

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

If not, you're wondering now.
Have a nice day!!

Stupid things Smart People Say

A woman I work with noticed her friend looking at a property through Google Earth... She decided to look at her own home just to see what the program could do.
After looking for a moment, getting closer to her home and switching to street view.
She asked "Are they there now?'
after her friend explained that it was a satelite that was able to take the pictures and that no one was actually there she asked
"How do they get the satelite so close to the house?"