Fingerprints on My Walls

Surprise! Surprise!!

2009-11-06T16:14:00.002-05:00

I know it's been forever since I posted. I blame it mostly on lack of internet.

I have an announcement to make and a story to tell... first the announcement.
I'm pregnant (again)
And as promised, the story.
Hubs and I decided we'd have a baby when we were ready for LuLu. We tried (for lack of a better word) once. Boom! It wasn't long until I sort of knew.. I hadn't taken a test but I didn't "feel right". My body just wasn't me. My pants started getting tight and when I lay down on my side at night I felt uncomfortable; like there was a knot in my side. September 2009 came and I started having that little "knot" feeling when I tried to sleep. I also started having pains in my side and couldn't come up with a reason for them. I couldn't remember if I'd had a period in August and asked Hubs if he remembered. He told me that he thought they'd been coming at a different pace than normal and maybe it would come this week. I confessed that I didn't feel well and debated on taking a test right then or waiting a few more days. My thoughts (and the knot) got the better of me and I decided to take a test early Tuesday morning. Sure enough... once again. BOOM!
Hubs current schedule had him coming home from work as I got the kids and myself ready for the day. I heard him pull in the drive and shoved the test in the pocket of my robe and went to meet him. I walked in the garage as he opened the door to come in. I smiled and flashed him... (something I've always done.. gets a little smile from him...) Then said... "Oh, wait! Maybe I shouldn't do that. That's how we got this..." and showed him the positive test. His face did a few little changes and settled on 'uh, really?!"
Long story short... I called the Doc to set up an appointment, told them about the pains in my side that I was having. She told me to drop everything and come in then. From that point on every Tuesday and Thursday I was in the office. Ultrasounds and tests.. trying to figure out if the pain was actually a "miscarriage" that we'd caught in action or a tubal pregnancy we'd have to end anyway. Three ultrasounds later.. still no baby. Nothing on the screen to indicate that it was really happening. They took blood on the final Tuesday and started looking at hormone levels. They said the levels would double every two days. So, on Thursday I would know if I was pregnant or if they would admit me and well, "it would be over". Wednesday I got a call from the nurse, the levels hadn't doubled. The nurse explained that they were looking for a 66% increase and instead got a 63%. She said it was enough to believe that everything was okay and that she would schedule my Thursday appointment for another ultrasound. My appointment turned out to be scheduled for a week later. In that time, I'd gotten myself to the point that I really didn't care. I was pretty sure that since we weren't planning this pregnancy and with everything going on in our lives the way it is.. that well, it was a wake up call. I became very numb. Hubs asked me several times a day if I was okay but I didn't really know why until he explained that I wasn't acting like myself.
Thursday came. The ultrasound room was cold, but my favorite ultrasound lady (Karen) was super nice and started up her little machine. Before you know it... the dark curtain that had been on the screen for so many trips to this cold room had been drawn back to show my little squiggle. Heart beat as loud as it could get and just as fast... as if it were screaming to me... "Dammit, don't you give up on me!!! I'm here! I'm here!!!"
And suddenly, I'm pregnant again. totally shocked and feeling as though I'd been tricked or she was actually showing me a film of some other ladies squiggle. I didn't know how to react. I felt as if any moment she would say.. "oh, I'm sorry, that was a tape from another appointment. My apologies." But know. My Squiggle is there and growing. 14 weeks this past Sunday. Of course that changes as the squiggle changes.. my due date's been changed once already.. It was May 9th. Now May 1st. unfortunatly I don't have a prayer of making it til May.. both my babies have been early. Since this one was a complete surprise, I expect nothing less from the rest of the pregancy.

I'm not ready for this...

2009-08-14T06:10:00.003-04:00

LuLu is 4yo now. And she's becoming more and more interested in the world around her... Why does Daddy have to work? Where is Punk? Why does Punk's daddy live far away... I miss him?
Some of these questions I have answers for... some I feel like an utter idiot for the kind of answer I have to give her... (Wait til your 30, Marry for love and only once... "do as I say" bullshit) and some of them... well alot of them are the sort of questions that make me have so many emotions that it's just hard to explain. Daydream with me a minute...

I picked up LuLu from the sitter yesterday. She toddled her little entirely-too-pink self to the car and crawled inside. "Did you have a good day at work, Mommy?" as if I could pour out my soul to her and she in return ready to bare the same for me... although I doubt the scuffle of her best friend, Jada, saying that Ryan was actually her boyfriend and not LuLu's would compare to my "if I make it to January" in the position rumor mill going on in my life. But somehow I made my day magically, "Yes, I had a really good day. What did you do today?", a basic lie. She was satisfied.
I decided to run to the library and check out a few books on CD, so that I'll have something besides the same 'ol music to listen to while doing my paper route and we'd get back home quickly.
Once home we changed into our pjs, like we always do and I started supper. LuLu normally helps if I'm making something with fresh veggies. Today she couldn't help though and occupied herself by "reading" a story to her 5 babies all conveniently named Sally.
I lost track of her for a few minutes, reading directions to a new 'box dinner" I was preparing.. (Cashew Chicken - yummy!) and she called for me from the bathroom. This usually means I have to wipe her bottom... she's currently only allowed to clean herself after she pee's. Anyway, I get into the bathroom to find her standing waiting for me. She looked up at me, smiled and then IT happened. She, standing with her legs shoulder width apart, bent her legs slightly, lunged her "lily' upward, spread the hood of her vagina open with her fingers and said... "What's this?" My eyes widened and I looked to see if she was pointing to a boo boo, a red lily... who knows what else... but only to find that she has discovered her clitoris!! (Really!? Do I really have to explain what that is!? NOW?! TO A 4 YEAR OLD??? And mind you... not just any 4 year old. This child has one helluva memory on her. To the point that I would almost bet, if she thought about it, could tell you what her own birth was like. So I know that whatever I tell her is going to be not only remembered but taken for gospel - which on a daily basis scares the livingshit out of me!)
I tried not to run, not to burst into laughter, not to 'poo poo' her question... the LAST thing I want is a child who's scared of their body... My first thought after that was "do I say clitoris to her?" then 'wait, if I say clitoris to her... she'll say clitoris to EVERYONE" I opted for the nearest thing to it that I could say without giving it an additional nickname "it's just a part of your lily, honey." Her imidiate response was one that I felt coming... "But it's so soft, Mommy... why is it so soft?" Good grief?! was the bathroom getting smaller? I felt like I was on one of those eerily silly tv shows with canned laughter and all cameras poised for my next response... "Well, it's soft because girls parts are supposed to be soft." Honest, to the point, good one, unfortunately... she determined that it was also deserving a response and I hadn't anticpated it until she began to speak again.. "Ick, and boys parts are NOT soft, Mommy!"
Sigh! Touche my darling!

2009-08-09T20:37:00.002-04:00

It's been difficult for me to post anything to my blog. I don't have access from work anymore, because our computer time is logged including emails. So that's out. And well, as I've said before.. I really don't have time to do anything at home and I'm trying to squeeze in time to clean.
I'm not used to not having time to clean. I'd had everything down to a science before I got the second job. Well, before I had LuLu anyway...
It's amazing how stressed I get over work, money, lack of time, etc. It's just as amazing how much better cleaning my home makes me feel. Weird, huh?!
Punk is coming back in a week! I can't wait! I've missed him so badly. It'll be nice just to have him where I can see him again. His birthday is Saturday. He'll be 13. I asked him what he'd like for his birthday and he couldn't name anything. So, I've been thinking of getting something. There's one thing that I had in mind. Well, at least one thing that's not incredibly expensive... but we'll have to see how it goes.
My first job is still up in the air... from what people are saying -- we won't really know for sure that we actually have a job until well after January.
Also, I'm trying to come up with a way to show Punk about earning money and paying bills Without using my actual money or bills.
Well, it's 9pm and I have to be up at 1:45AM...

Busy lady

2009-08-09T06:50:00.004-04:00

I've been delivering papers since March. I love it... I have to tell you... the night air, the peace, the clean open sky. Very peaceful, very me. I'm trying to fit everything in, still. My schedule is a hectic one.. let me give you a look.
primary job (monday/friday) - 8:30AM til 5:00PM
LuLu has to be picked up from daycare by 5:30PM
secondary job (daily) - 2:30AM to (usually)5:00AM
I've been trying to stay up when I get home from the route to clean house... I don't feel "right" unless the house is cleaned and for that matter cleaned the way I like it to be cleaned. It's difficult to stay up, mostly because I get in bed late the night before because Hubby doesn't go to work until after 9PM and I really should be getting in bed nearing 7PM.
School starts again soon. Punk comes home from his summer with his Dad on 08-16. He'll start school on 08-24. We tried to put LuLu in school but they won't make any exceptions to their 'you have to be 5yo" rule.
We got LuLu a library card recently. She adores reading, well I guess I should say she adores being read to. Each week we get between 5 and 7 books (enough to last a week) and each night I read a book to her before we go to bed. She's been sleeping with me since Punk's been gone and Hubby's at work... so it's been like a slumber party this summer. She's such a chatter box... hahaha... most of her breath between words is chatter.
I've been reading alot more too, this summer. I'm waiting on the next installment of two series that I'm in the middle of.
At this point, I keep nodding off so I'm taking a nap.. g'night.

We're at the Beach!!

2009-06-29T19:33:00.003-04:00

I looked at my scheduled time off on the calendar at work two weeks ago. I hadn't remembered that I had gotten the week of June 21st off from my first job. I had planned to take it off, usually plan it every year. We try to go camping in my hometown; there's a festival going on that week. Anyway, Hubs couldn't get that week off this year so I traded to have the same week that he has off. This week. I didn't tell him I traded, planned on keeping it a surprise as long as I could. Then last Wednesday came... I was doing the paper route and daydreaming about going to the beach... if only we had time off together... Hey wait a minute!! So, I called everyone I could think of to see if they could do the route for me for four days.
I finally found Desiree, she said she would and trained with me for a few days.
So, now she's doing the paper route and we've found our way to the beach. We are in Wrightsville Beach, NC. It is very peaceful, and beautiful... I didn't want to get out of the water today...
And... I don't know how to swim.

2009-06-16T18:15:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted since I left for training. Let me describe it to you... Sunday through Friday.. Hotel gives free HUGE breakfast ... then Work says 'we'll give you $50 per day to eat lunch and supper." Very nice of them right... sure!
Supper started with drink specials at the hotel or at nearby bars... let me explain..
Sunday - $2 domestic beers (hotel)
Monday - $2 mixed drinks (bar) the one I was drowning in was called a "Roofie Bomb" and was regularly $8 per
Tuesday - $1 beers (hotel)
Wednesday - drink all you can til 9PM - free (hotel)
Thursday - $2 drafts (bar)

I wound up getting back to the hotel most nights at 2am and back up again at 7am... Hubs was doing the paper route while I was there. I'd call him while I was going to bed and then when I got up... he just kept telling me to have a good time... and that he loves me...

When I got back I literally hugged Punk and then we drove him to meet his dad.. where he'll stay the entire summer.. I'll get him back the week before school starts.
Still trying to find out what I'm going to be doing for the new company.. but so far they've come up with a few things and I'm sure there's going to be more...
I've not been able to post from work because I'm told that the new company monitors EVERYTHING - so.. don't want anything like a post to send me packing

a joke in mixed company

2009-05-28T17:49:00.003-04:00

I came home early today. Called Punk on the way and asked that he turn on the oven, the supper I'd planned would take an hour an a half. When I got home, Punk was putting the dish into the oven, very nice.
We proceed to talk about his day and mine and he starts telling me a joke... not sure if you know it but I'll give you the highlights.. door-to-door salesman - selling mosquito spray - farmer hangs him naked outside overnight - calf ... has his way with salesman.
I asked Punk gently because I already know the answer... "do you know what the calf did to the man?"
He looks at me - quietly... waiting.. he finally says ".... no"
"that's what I thought.... do you know how a calf eats from his mother?"
"yea"
"well, the man was hanging upside down... in the barn..."
"....... AWE MAN.... THAT'S GROSS!"
"and that's why you should be sure you know "why" a joke is funny, before you tell it"

Two full days left...

2009-05-27T16:11:00.002-04:00

We're packing at work... in addition to preparing for a week long out of state training class. The entire team of people that I work for, total 18, will be moving our desks, work items, and personal items from the 2nd floor of the building to the 3rd floor. Some of us have been here 20 years, so you can imagine the extent of the move.
I've been here 11 years and this is my 5th move in 3 years. I decided a couple moves ago... less is much much more... so I've taken nearly everything home. I still have pictures, and the odd little desk thing that would have no place at home... like a fan, a zen garden, and a small gargoyle named Fluffy.
I still need to have the majority of my supplies here near me so... the only things that I can move are personal items... So, I'll be doing that today..
Thinking about going to a waterpark for like a day or weekend (if we could stay at a campground for super cheap)
Punk went to a nearby State Zoo today... he's sent me pics of a zebra and a flamingo. So, it seems that he's having a good time.. from the pics it also looks as though it's not raining there (it is here, has since yesterday)
LuLu told me yesterday... "You know dat I'm going wif you to Nof Carlina nes week, wight Mommy?"
In addition to all this... There are 3 ladies that do what I currently do. I've already been told that one of them is moving to another position. And that the New Owners don't have a position that does what I currently do and that no one is sure "what my roll will be when we get back from training"
...makes me nervous....

I've got $160, that okay?

2009-05-26T13:00:00.002-04:00

Hubs, LuLu and I drove to the place that we always meet to exchange Punk with his dad yesterday. At 5pm, an hour earlier than normal. LuLu sang at the top of her lungs for what we thought was the entire 34 miles, at some point during the drive I looked behind me to see her slumped over with her mouth agape... in the midst of uncomfortable sleep.
That's how she fights off sleep now... I forget until she does it again. Used to be that she and I would take the same drive by ourselves... and she, just a baby then, would scream the entire 34 miles back home. Never quite sure what she was so upset about... I tried everything. I thought about it being that Punk was suddenly gone from her sight but, then nothing I can do about that. So, I tried other things... leaving the light in the car on.. talking to her.. different toys... a movie... I would call people and have them talk to me just so I could get the schrillness of her pitch out of my head. It felt as though sometimes she was trying to over power the entire car with that out of control screaming. My Dad, forever the upstanding parent... "you got more patience than I got. I'da dun worn 'er ass out!" For what? I have no idea. What "wearing her ass out" would've changed? I haven't a clue. What I do know is there wasn't any point in me pulling off the side of an interstate to have a screaming match with an infant (literally from 1 month until she could speak well) let alone pulling over to "wear her out" which in my opinion would've only made matters worse. I finally reached behind me one day and just stroked her foot with my hand... she immediately stopped crying. It was very uncomfortable to drive that way but then so was driving while my ears were bleeding.
We pull up, we wait and wait and wait. The show up.. Punk and Ex. Punk always looks skinnier and taller when we get him back. He has his patch on, I can tell. How long he's had it on, I don't know and won't know for sure until it starts to wear off. I tell Ex about a bill that I got in the mail for Punk's allergy shots... $170. "okay" he said... nothing more.
Just now he called. "I only had $160 on me, but I put it in your account."
"that's fine, thanks!"
I told my friend at work.. if he'd been half the man he is now.. we'd probably still be together. But I know I can't truthfully say that... because it's this guy that he is with everyone that has always been the cool one. It's the personal guy, the one you marry and work with (trust me cause I did both) that becomes the mind numbing asshole that you want to tie to a tree in some remote wilderness somewhere... whoops sorry.. carried away again. Anyway, it's that guy that never clicked with me.

Wish in One Hand...

2009-05-26T12:06:00.002-04:00

The In-laws came down this weekend. Of course, I think my home is in no shape for visiters.. but do I care.. No. I've found that working 60+ hours a week and living on four or less hours of sleep per day.. makes me not care at all. Sure we tidied up here and there.. Tried to do what we were going to do anyway.. but in a shorter time frame. But the dusting didn't get done... I have a black lacquer (sp) tv table that seems to attract dust the second that you're done dusting it. I hadn't given it the weekly bath that it has become accustomed to so it decided to grow hair. So, when M-I-L showed herself... I saw the tv table... smiling at me. With its hairy face. UGH! **Have I mentioned that I really would like to have a wife? Come on? Really!! I want the kind of wife I would be if I didn't have to work so damn much. you know... take care of the kids, clean the house(I'm also allergic to dust), cook for the family, do all the bills and errands, (total plus if she could grocery shop for us and save money, I hate shopping of any kind) and oh yea... snuggle with me... (Hubs and I work opposite schedules. So, during the week I am very lacking in the snuggle department. Sure I get kid snuggles but come on... I mean snuggles with adult sized arms!) ** Sorry I got off topic.
They took us out for lunch... at the only place they seem to enjoy eating, to Red Lobster. I tried something different.. because of all the things I've learned that I'm allergic to I'm really trying to stay away from yeast. Sucks... and it's difficult.
Then back home where I proceeded to fall asleep in my comfy chair... while my inlaws were still there! Talk about embarrassing. I can fall asleep at the mention of silence. I got up to go change clothes figuring that doing something would keep me awake. On may way out of the room my M-I-L said "Lay down if you want to, we understand." And I'm sure they did, but I'm nothing if not stubborn and changed clothes and went back downstairs. They were there for two more hours and I stayed awake the entire time, wishing for a wife that would dust.

One more week

2009-05-26T10:36:00.002-04:00

Everyone has been doing a countdown... T-minus 5 days til we leave for training. Everyone except for me, and truth is maybe I should have been counting. I knew what week it was and what day and that it was coming. But good grief, It totally snuck up on me. We leave Sunday... UGH! I'm not happy about it... I'm dreading it. I'm not a good student. I'm not comfortable dressing up... (business casual) and shocker of shockers.. I'm suddenly not comfortable without my family within a good 15 miles of me! (weep!) Not sure if it's the Mom, the caretaker, the control freak or who is stepping forward... but one of these personalities wants to be recognized and she's not letting it go...
I've decided to let someone else drive. It's been recently brought to my attention (I paid bills and balanced what was left on Friday) that it would be much easier for someone else to pay for the gas.... they'll be reimbursed yes, and paid .55 cents per mile, sure. But the "god-knows-how-long" without the cash is what I'm thinking about. Needless to say when I told Ms. Olson and the others that I was going to go ahead and ride with them... they were literally ecstatic.
We've been told to go ahead and start packing our personal items for the move. I've taken several things home over the years. The less I have here, the less I have to move every time we move desks or floors or worse...
Things are very slow today.. So, I'll pack... I'll return if I think of anything else to tell you.

Stupid Things Smart People Say

2009-05-25T12:14:00.002-04:00

The same woman that I work with, from last STSPS posting, was leaving a voice mail for one of her clients.

"Mr. ___ my name is ___ . Please call me regarding...
I'm available from 10AM to 8PM eastern standard time.
blah blah blah" and hangs up.

We here in VA use daylight savings time and I actually had a client who stopped me when I said eastern standard time and he said. "So, you come in at a different time than everyone else?"
Which took me by surprise because I don't often have people correct me in that manner.
So since this had happened to me before, I mentioned it to her.
She said. "well, I'd just have to tell 'em. I was being nice to you. but if you want to be that way.. I just can't deal with you."

Lovin Lyrics #3

2009-05-25T11:59:00.002-04:00

I missed posting my Thursday 'Lovin' Lyrics' so I'll post it today...
one of my new fav songs....

"The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by The Script

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my handSaying,
"If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"
Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you
'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving
Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go
'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,I'm not moving, I'm not moving
People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world
Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
[Chorus 2x]
Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

Thought for the day

2009-05-20T09:15:00.004-04:00

Thought for the day:

Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?

If not, you're wondering now.
Have a nice day!!

Stupid things Smart People Say

2009-05-19T15:23:00.002-04:00

A woman I work with noticed her friend looking at a property through Google Earth... She decided to look at her own home just to see what the program could do.
After looking for a moment, getting closer to her home and switching to street view.
She asked "Are they there now?'
after her friend explained that it was a satelite that was able to take the pictures and that no one was actually there she asked
"How do they get the satelite so close to the house?"

I lurves it when I'm Spanx'd

2009-05-19T14:27:00.002-04:00

I've done it... I bought Spanx!!! I love them!!
I'd heard oodles about them and saw the inventor on The Rebel Billionaire a few years ago. So, after going online yesterday and seeing that a local store, within a mile of my home, sold them; I to go there. She told me on the phone that I could try a pair of them on and see what I thought. I snatched Lulu from the sitter and off we went. Bi the way... did I mention that the shop is an ab-fab little wedding/prom dress store?! You should have seen the look on Lulu's face. She thought she'd died and gone to dress-up heaven! For the next few mintues you could hear me explaining "our hands belong to us"... which is usually followed by LuLu either holding her own hands or shoving her hands in her pockets. This time was a little bit... well alot different.
"look, mommy, I like this pink one"
"uh, huh' reading the Spanx package
"look, mommy, this one is be-u-ti-ful"
"yes, it is'
"oh, mommy, how ad-dord-able"
"LuLu DO NOT TOUCH THE WHITE ONES!!!"

finally they showed me to a nice sized room, and how wonderful that I had Lulu there to narrate the happenings inside our dressing room for those that weren't allowed visual access...
"mommy, why are you getting naked?"
"mommy, you're too big for that... look (she got down off her chair and came over to my leg and rubbed it) your leg is all red right here"
well, after her portion of the performance was over I tucked everything in, stood up and sighed... to my disbelief I could still breathe! Nothing snapped, crackled, ripped or popped loose...
and it felt great! I took that pair off... and put on the size that the package recommended for my height and weight. It was very loose in comparision to the first pair.
I bought two of the first pair and promptly took LuLu out of the store, before I owned a wedding dress with handprints on it.

I put on a pair this morning... along with my jeans from last year... Hmmmm - why have I been waiting to get this.. nifty little tummy tuck in a pretty blue wrapper...
no muffin top...
no bluge
no squirming on the bed/floor to get them up
no reciting my favorite swear words to suck in the apartment of stretched skin that my won-der-ful children left when they came into this world.

wow. maybe I should buy a few more. Nah... I will buy more..

ps... since I'm blogging from work I can't add the nifty little pics that I like to put on...
so here are some links for your shopping pleasure...

http://www.spanx.com
http://www.spanx.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2990106&cp=2992553.3010023&parentPage=family

You're Kidding, right?

2009-05-18T14:54:00.001-04:00

Last Thursday morning was rough, then at 3:20PM I was awakened from my sleep with Hubs by a phone call from my half sister, E.M.
She is a year younger than Punk. yea... on her birthday she'll be 12. She explains to me in rapid-fire talk.. that she and her friend are stuck and they'll need a ride.
What it boiled down to was Friend's mom has suddenly decided not to pick up E.M. and Friend at their after school activity (Ham Radio Club, who'da thunk?) and will also not be able to take them to the choir recital that night.
E.M asks me to come get her, take her to her apartment to get her clothes, take Friend to her place to get her clothes, take them back to the school to their HAM Radio Club and then they can stay there until after choir recital at which point I would be needed to take them to their homes again....
Wait... what??
You mean you're in choir.. I didn't know that.
You mean you're in HAM Radio club, wow, I didn't even know there was such a thing... Our dad told me when I tried out for volleyball if I made the team I'd have to find my own way to and from games, because he worked to hard all day to take me anywhere after school. (literally)
Now, Our dad is on the road... training to be a truck driver.
"where's your stepdad?" her step dad is a truck driver that does local pickups.
"where's your mom?" her mom... is in night school and asked her to call me to see if I'd do it. (our dad would be doing it if he was at home)
"she said she needed to know by 4:30 if you could do it..."
Wait... you mean she couldn't call me herself and ask?
well, no. I can't do it. you all are going to have to work this one out on your own.
I'm sorry.... I've lived in this city for 7 years with NO family around me for help or a sitter or anything. I've had to get by, cancel appointments, move things around... make it happen.
so... when you call me out of the clear blue sky.. and not even ask if we would like to come see your recital... knowing that I have a family that will be needing supper and their homework done and two jobs (one of which starts at 2:30AM) don't expect me to drop everything like our dad would... and run to your rescue. well, your mom's rescue.

Mother's Day weekend details

2009-05-18T14:32:00.001-04:00

hello all. I took the week off from my blog last week. Mostly because I was just completely drained. So, It's catchup time
Last time I posted was 05/07, we were getting ready for Mother's Day weekend. I spoke with "V" she didn't pass her nursing school test and didn't land her nursing job and didn't need a sitter to celebrate. I offered to watch her daugters anyway, told her that she and hubby could have some alone time. Didn't happen.
Hubs and I went to see Wolverine and Star Trek on Friday. We spent almost the entire day in the theater. From 10AM til 4PM. Both movies were excellent. a total plus for Wolverine was seeing Hugh Jackman's finely scuplted self NAKED.... wowsers! Hubs and I were the only ones in the theater, besides a guy that sat two rows but directly behind us... I suspect trying to make sure I didn't molest Hubs... drat! I kept saying lines to Hubs, he swore that I'd brought someone else to see it..but most of it was common sense stuff... laughable really..
If you haven't seen Star Trek.. get up, shut off the pc and go... GO NOW!!!
We went to the 24 block yard sale. I wasn't impressed this year. I wanted to look for clothes for me. Jeans/shorts.. maybe a few nice outfits for the training week.. (I'm going to have to dress like a girl and I"M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT) [small tantrum, sorry] I have a confession to make... right here, right now.... I'm a yard sale profiler... there I said it. Can you forgive me... No.. oh well. You there in the corner... Not sure what a "yardsale profiler' is? Well, let me tell you. I don't want to spend my entire day going through someone else's crap. I have other things at home I could be doing. Cleaning, napping, playing on Facebook, buying groceries... did I mention the nap. Anyway. I glance at who is having the yardsale, normally we sell clothes that we've grown out of...So... who's having the sale? A woman, a man? are there clothes? Is there a woman present? Is she bigger or smaller than me? if she is smaller than I am... I can pretty much tell you the clothes at that sale... are going to be smaller than me as well. If she is bigger.... well let's just go have a look-see. This year at the 24 block yard sale... I walked 10 miles. and visited EVERY house with a woman that was my size or bigger. (and Karma came with me) every single woman that had clothes, actually had clothes that were the size I want to be and not the size that I've become. (last year, I had nasal surgery. I was put on several meds and over the course of 3 months gained forty pounds. I've lost some weight and am now in a size 14. but would very much like to be a size 10. I'm not looking for a drastic unhealthy change just something I can manage and be proud of)
Sunday we went to the baseball game and had a great time.. LuLu HAD to wear a dress... too cute. Punk decided to stay with us rather than go to his dad's. he also decided it was a good idea to bring his ipod with us to our Family outing which was not received well. It was sunburn weather but it being mother's day and all.. I decided to take sunblock with us! woo hoo!! GO ME!! Ate supper and drank beer there... nice, our team won, double nice!
About the training trip.... thanks for your comments, ladies, on what you would do.. a friend of mine at work suggested that I still ride with "Mrs. Olson" (from little House on the Prairie, I promise she is a dead ringer in mannerisms) so that I could get to know her and the other two better... The P.C. way to go, no doubt. [shrug] I am very much about driving myself, have decided to pick up a few bottles of wine for the occasion, too. I went to the local Goodwill to look for some outfits. Found some nice things, go to try them on ... apparently the sizes for juniors were mixed in with the adults. not fun for me. Lulu sat there the entire time asking questions... do you remember the chatty girl from The Cosby Show. (talking so fast that you wonder if she's breathing) this is my 3 1/2 year old.) I get lost in the questions... wind up answering one for another.. and she's too bright so she's laughing and having a great time.. meanwhile... I'm ONE failed clothes shopping trip away from signing up for the METH of the month club!! [breathing.......]

There isn't enough Calgon in the world...

2009-05-18T14:31:00.001-04:00

Last Thursday morning was a complete nightmare... I woke out of a sound sleep and thought "OH DAMMITT, I'm late for work" grab my cellphone to find out why it didn't alarm and wake me. It hadn't gone off because it was 11PM, NOT 2:15AM..grrrr! I went back to sleep.. got up when the alarm went off, got dressed, fed the cat, and left. Got to the drop site to pick up the papers.. the back sections are there... but no front sections. I'm told the fronts won't arrive until AFTER 4AM. I decide I'm going to try to sleep. No point in worrying about something I have no control over. Got no sleep. The papers arrive at 4:30AM! I do my route and get to the very end... short. I'm missing 5 front page sections!! ARRGGGHHH!!! We are currently doing a promotion.. anyone signed up for the paper gets the paper daily, even if their subscription is say Sunday only or Weekends only. So, in an effort to not drive 20miles out and back to buy the 5 papers I needed and go home. I find 5 boxes that are weekends only and remove the papers, take them to their respective boxes and go home. On the way home, I call Punk. He gets on the bus at 7:45AM, I'm 20 minutes from home and it's 7:30AM (normally I'm home again by 6AM....
"Please don't get on the bus. I'm running late, I'll take you to school." he's groggy, but agrees. I ask him to go take the phone to Lulu.
"good mornin' mommy"
"LuLu, I'm still out on my route, I need you to get up and get dressed."
"can I wear a dress today mommy?"
"No, not today, just get some jeans and a nice top. I'll be home in a few minutes and I'll take you to the sitters and Punk to school"
"Okay"

So, I run home - my hair practicly on fire... get there... she's dressed but in a tank top and Easter hat ONLY. I rush to get her dressed. Punk says that he has taken care of his morning chores and then askes me this question "Mom, Why didn't you want me to ride the bus? Why did you want to take me to school?"
My thoughts at the time escape me. I remember word for word what I said though "What time did I get home?"
"8:12"
"What time do you get on the bus?"
"Well, it's not always the same time, sometimes he's late, sometimes he's ear..."
I cut him off... "roughly, what time?"
"7:45"
"okay, so... just looking around the room... would anything have been out of place, if you had gotten on the bus? Would anyone have still been at home, when you got on the bus?'
his answer was simple..... "oh"
from then on my day got real bad real quick.
I left my keys inside the house. went back in for them, she exclaimed that she wanted water to drink on the way to the sitters. I told her she could wait til she got there, after all it was a 6 minute drive...
She continued with her demands, my blood boiling I lost my temper... told her to go get in the car. Grabbed a bottle from the fridge and my keys and went back out to the car.
Half way up the street, "Punk, today is the day to turn in your spring picture order form. but I will order them online, you won't need to turn it in."
"no, Mrs. Teacher said we have to bring the order form in, I have to take it in, I have to"
"No, I'll order them online."
"no, I need the oder form, we have to turn them in"
My car screeches to a halt. I do the worst job of turning around my small little Yaris... like a 4 point turn... go in.. steaming... about to explode.... grab the order form... take it back out to the car. I show Punk.
and read aloud... "Steps to order... 1, 2, 3,4. OR...you can go online at blah.com and order. Punk, the word 'OR' means that if you choose to do this... you don't have to do this other shit!"
"fine, I didn't know that it said that you could order it online....'
"except for the 3 times I just told you that I would order them online.. but that's not good enough for you... you have to get me to this point... you have to make my ears bleed before you will listen to what I'm trying to do for you."
He's silent.
I continue fuming as I drive the two of them to the end of the street. Explaining to them that they are 10 years apart and yet I can not understand how they still fight as though they are the same age. That I can't take it... that I see them for two hours a day (during the week) and the entire time I see them the are fighting with each other or me. That I will probably have to continue with having two jobs for the next 5 years and I will not continue listening to them fight. I explain to them that they aren't allowed to speak until they get where they are going.
By the time I reach the end of the street.. I'm in tears... I call the admin that works for my boss.
"I'm not well, I'm not going to be able to come in today, I will not be pleasant'
"are you okay... is everyone okay?"
"everyone is fine.. but I've had it and I need to stay home and rest or I'll exlpode" still crying.
she agrees, "call me if you need me or anything"
nothing more was said by Punk until we got to his school.. I hate mornings/days/times like this... and would rather have hugged him and told him I was sorry and once again... I just want him to listen and help and understand.. but no... Its all been said and heard and it's worn out. I just worry when we fight that every time I see him could be the last time I see him and .....then what?
"Try to have a better day, honey."
he gives me the classic teenager "go to hell and die bitch" look and says "yea, I'll try" and walks inside.
I drive away... I've stopped crying, thinking about what an awlful, horrible, piece of trash mom I've become... and LuLu from the back seat says...
"I'm sorry that we made you upset and that we fight, mommy." she starts crying.
I try to console her.. she understands way more than she should for her age. I apologize for angry words and tell her over and over that I love them both. she knows that and at least she still wants that love for now.
I take her in.. tell the sitter that LuLu might be in a bad mood today, that it's my fault and that we had a horrible morning. tell her some of what happened... she has three boys, and yes, still runs a daycare out of her home. The woman is a SAINT in my opinion.
I go home, wait for Hubs
I tell him that he almost came home to my shirt soaked in blood and explain what happened...
he's sympathetic. he's told me before he wouldn't be able to do what I have to do. We eat breakfast, we shower.. together, always together. and we go to sleep.

Lovin Lyrics #2

2009-05-15T10:54:00.002-04:00

Nine Inch Nails - Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Over 30

2009-05-11T15:56:00.002-04:00

I got this today and had to share it with you.. I'm sure you know more that you can add, if so... comment and put 'em in there.

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning.

Uphill... barefoot... BOTH ways. In the SNOW

Yadda, yadda, yadda!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! No where was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone 'cause that's how we rolled; dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!

When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And We didn't have any fancy Sony Play Station video And games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd

another routine

2009-05-11T14:32:00.002-04:00

Funny how plans or goals are ever changing. I brought a notebook to work today to jot down some things that I need to start doing.. a routine if you will, anyway I'd found a list of things that I wanted to try to start doing, didn't happen. I'd become very routine for some reason... and I was happy with it. Punk had gotten to a self sufficient stage and I was able to do things around the house without the need of much worry over him. Then along came LuLu and well for lack of better terms.. my routines were shot to hell. Then I tweaked and twittled, messed and fussed til I got another routine figured out. Then without warning a job change. (same employer different position) Good for family... bad for routine... again with the messing and tweaking. A new routine.. and BAM... the paper route. Now my idea of a routine is leave my primary job.. try not to sit down while making supper (I'll fall asleep), eat, a little tv with the family, shower and off to bed. It's becoming a trial to make it to 8:30PM without falling asleep.
I feel like having a routine helps me get things done. And that if I could start a routine, doing these things consistently each day well... it might become easier to juggle all these balls... that's how it's been in the past for me... minus the second job of course.
Needless to say that all the things on the list that I found no longer apply. Some do.. like "lessen the sugar intake" (I have a problem) or "dog's to dog park once a month" not that they need it, they play in our backyard just fine. but I'm all about an occasional change of scenery. Some don't like "get into a bedtime routine" that one has pretty much been taken care of... No staying up til 2AM for me anymore.. I'd never sleep if that was the case.

Choices made for me...

2009-05-11T13:44:00.002-04:00

Training trip coming up the first week of June... we've been told that we were using rental cars and carpooling. I was out Friday spending the day with Hubs... at the movies. Now I find out that on Friday we were told that we have to drive our own vehicles and that we could still carpool but it would be our decision.
Everyone has chosen who to ride with... the car that I would ride in - is now full. And the only people left to ride with... are the people that you'd rather not ride with.
So, now do I suck it up and ride with ... THEM... or do I drive myself.. the 3 hour trip (each way). Keep in mind that driving isn't a big deal... choice of music... and volume... not to mention when/where/how to leave..
I'm thinking that I'll drive myself...
what would you do?

Busy Momma!

2009-05-07T12:37:00.001-04:00

My weekend is filling up... completely filling up.
Friday - Hubs and I (well I) have planned for MONTHS to sit in the theater ALL DAY. I want to go see Wolverine and Star Trek. and from the sounds of what people are saying it will have to be in that order as well. have also seen a few others that I'd like to take a peek at but may just stay with the two. Cannot wait to see Star Trek.. he's not a fan at all and I think he's pumped about it from the chatter he's heard. (I personally wanted him to watch the dvds and get a little background... but ... yea... well he didn't have time)
"V" watched my kids last Friday so we could go out... and I've offered to return the favor - that's supposed to happen Saturday but I haven't gotten confirmation yet.
There's a TATTOO FESTIVAL yes you read that right... going on this weekend here... I've mentioned it in previous posts... and I WANT TO GO - thinking we might do that after the movies while the kids are still in their respective pins.
Saturday there is a 24 block yardsale.. and I've gone every year for the past four years. Sometimes I find stuff, sometimes not so much. I don't spend alot of time there but it's good exercise and cheap clothes.. plus it's helping my environmental quest. Last year I found some nice jeans for me, some tops for Lulu, shorts for Hubs.. and Punk insisted on some cards of some type.
I just got a call from a girl that used to work at my paper route... she's having a huge party from 12:30 to 5pm... *party yes.. but huge... if you schedule the end of the party... can it really get huge??**
I'm not sure that we'd go there.. but it's BYOB.. and I need to look for an allergy proof beer anyway... ahem.. excuse much?!...
oh.. and of course.. don't forget the only day that I'm allowed to be publicly worshipped, oh and as a mother.. Mother's Day is Sunday.. I've asked Hubs to take the night off from work and take me to a Baseball game.. * he nearly threw up while laughing at me, but that's what I want to do! Couple of beers, a dog, and some good clean yellin', other choices could range from simple to holy cow.. but given that I have to work that night regardless I think I'll just choose the ball game.
Other Mother's Day choices...
Spa Day - did it
Mani/Pedi with LuLu - did it.
Movies - doing it on Friday
Hockey game - again with the beer and screaming... did it. out of season and our city no longer has a hockey team. grrrr!
A trip to Georgia... to the Silver Comet Trail.. - okay... sick ass me... I want to take a couple weeks off... No kids.. just tents and a few spare clothes.. start at one end of the trail and bike and camp to the other end.
New River Trail - see above same scenerio.
3some... - Hmmmm been one way (FMF), but not the other.. now that would be an interesting mother's day.. *happy mothers day,honey ... this is my friend_____* sorry... daydreamed there for a sec. oo ooo ooo another story just sprang to mind. I'll have to tell you about the time that Hubs brought a guy home for lunch...*
Trip to NYC to see a play (Wicked, I hope) - haven't done it.. would do nearly anything to do it... but again the time thing...
Trip to Peru - I'd LOVE to go to Peru.. to the ruins.. hiking.. camping perhaps.. would be alittle more than a weekend trip... but lovely still. Would totally be memorable and very SIGH worthy!
Or totally surprise me... anything like the above - only... something they thought of... *you're probably reading this going.. Damn... that's quite a range of stuff?! ... yea well... that's the life of the Sockpuppet. and I'm happy with it.

Lovin' Lyrics #1

2009-05-07T11:44:00.002-04:00

The Cure - Just Like Heaven

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven