growing pains...

I took the day off yesterday to go have some food allergy testing done.   Let me just say... fun...fun... (ouch) ... fun!
So... for those of you that aren't on my Facebook page... I'm allergic to:
Pistachios, Cinnamon, Cotton Seed, Green Peas, Navy Beans, String Beans, Corn, Cantaloupe, Barley, Soy Beans, Yeast, and Sesame Seeds.
Now of course some aren't as bad as others.. but still there they are.

Hubs went with me and giggled everytime I made a noise when this chick pricked me...  I asked her "Have you ever broken one of those things off in someone?"
She always gives me my allergy shot like she just found out her boyfriend (if that's possible) has been cheatin' on her! Kinda like a familar shower scene...
We went to lunch and then home after and proceeded to relax.. sometimes just "being" is tiresome.  We spent a little time together - that's enough info for you... =) and then He had to work last night so he heads off to bed and my kitty comes over and sleeps on my lap for the next four hours... oh, did I mention that I fall asleep when someone is near me sleeping... suggestive sleeping anyone? Forget about me driving if you're sleeping in my car!  I'll drive but I'll be throwing down the caffeine, especially if it's later in the day.
Punk comes home off the bus, brings in the mail and heads upstairs bookbag in tow.  My gut said ... something isn't right....  
"Punk, come back down here and bring your book bag with you'
        after about 45 seconds he comes down "Why? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, you just never take your book bag upstairs... empty it for me."
        I then get the 'you've got to be freakin' kiddin' me' patented look my now 12 year old has developed accompanied by the sigh.
        "Can't you just trust me?"
"Empty it"
        "I just want to do my homework, upstairs"
"Funny, you never do your homework upstairs, you usually do it in the dining room"
        He starts taking binders out of the larger compartment, avoiding the smaller pockets.
        "See books, nothing else"
"and the smaller pockets too...."
        "I can't believe this.. all I wanted to do when I got home was have a nice quiet evening"  demonstrating selective listening...
"I don't understand why you're so upset.. if you're not hiding anything."
        He then opens the largest of the smaller compartments to reveal that my darlin' son who's worn braces for two years had been smugglin' a zip loc bag of jelly beans, a granola bar, a chocolate bar and two packs of Dora the Explorer gummies.
I nearly busted a gut.  Why, oh why , didn't I learn how to hold a straight face in these sorts of situations.  No normally I fidget and smile and giggle.   I was in no mood to have this ruin my "nice quiet evening"  
"Throw it all away and tell me what you got out of your bag and laid upstairs before you came down"
        "Three rolls of dimes, I had four but I put the other one in my lunch money account"
which I knew was a lie because I'd just written him a check for $40.00 on Monday. Not to mention I think he'd taken the rolls of dimes out of my bedroom floor - Hubs had rolled all the change when we were having some cash flow issues...  but other than whippin' out my CSI kit there was no way to prove that... so I decided to drop it.  
Sure he's a good kid... but he's giving me his own brand of bullshit.  I'm lucky it's not more or worse than what it is... and thank those stars daily.

daily drivel...

I have way too many things bouncing around in my tiny little skull today...
so, put on a raincoat, your waders, and hang on while I try to release some of it...
     Work, 1st job -  I'll be going on a week long training trip in the next STATE (3 hours away, but geesh, needing a week long get-a-way - YES, but a week long work-a-way.. HELL NO!! ) The 16 year old in me is like "ooo ooo ooo wouldn't it be fun to have someone to hang out with while we were there.. someone fun!?!?!?"   But No, Hubby can't go (he's already offered to do my newspaper route so we don't have to pay someone to do it for the week)  and no one else is available for me to invite for an entire week. So, alone in my pjs I will sit every night after CLASS.  UGH!    Did I mention that we're car pooling?  totally thinking about NOT carpooling.  I've also been trying to find out if there will be any events going on while we're there, car pool or not the city has taxi cabs.
     2nd job - I'm starting my new paper route on Friday.  It'll be my first night by myself on this route.  "V", the chick that is quitting the route, is training me.  I've ridden with her for two nights and then with her husband last night.  They seem like good people. She's hysterical.  Someone I'd hang out with... She's got two daughters - 4yo and 3yo, she's also about to finish Nursing School.  Busy Lady.  So my route is going from 190 papers to 330 papers.  very nice.. no longer will I be getting peanuts for doing this.    
ps. I told you that Hubby was looking at getting me a car and then the debate over new or old.  well, we bought a New 2009 Toyota Yaris.  It's adorable.  My first black car.  cute cute cute.  I'm desperately in need of my XM radio in it though.  The DJ drivel is about to drive me crazy....
    My past... again.  Good Grief...   You know the saying don't burn your bridges?   well, I have tried really hard to not burn my bridges... keep all my friends, etc.   Well, Ex set a bridge on fire one day a long time ago.  I hate that he did it and I hate that I feel like I can't even call this person to catch up or see how their mom is or anything because I feel that what Ex did to burn this bridge may have left a bad impression and bad thoughts about me.   Do bridges burned by someone else stay burned?

We're coming to the end of April... and I made a horrible mistake... I went back and reread all the "THE GUY" postings.  One of them was about a little ... camping trip we had.. which in turn reminded me of another time.  
He left one sunny day, suddenly... to go to the beach.  Called sometime later and says "Hey, Kiddo, Why don't you come see me?" and "I've got a surprise for ya"  so, of course I dropped everything, cashed my check for the week and off I go.  Looking back I have no idea how I was just able to say "I'm gonna be gone for a few days" to my boss and just leave...  Anyway.  I map it out, get there, 6 hours later... didn't care could have been the moon I would've found a way to get there.  He meets me.  Turns out the surprise he had for me was a hair cut.. I could've completely died.  
The GUY had this awesome little patch of "bangs" in front that he (forgive me cosmetologists) bleached, or died or something.. anyway  his original hair is deep brown and this row of bangs was blonde and LONG... down past his adam's apple... right.. got it... okay... so... he'd cut it off... (stay with me ... I'm 16 in this story okay... ) I nearly ask him if he'd kept it... HA!  He was original... you know.. and who doesn't love that in a guy... I dunno.. I do... anyway.. I digress...  
So, while I'm there he still has to work.. no biggie.. I'll just hang out...  I've already been told that I can't be serious about you... so, I'll just act like I could-give-a-shit and go somewhere... I don't know I'll find something to do... While I'm out I go to this little surf shop or whatever.. messin' around.  this dude in the shop starts talking to me about a party either he's having or that's going on... (whatever it's been 17 years gimmie a break I've got most of the details)  So, I'm thinkin' sounds like fun and I don't know what THE GUY  has planned, if he wants to take me, if he'd want to go, or what... so I take the number and the directions and go back to the hotel.  
THE GUY comes back hops in the shower... I mention to him about the party... he says he doesn't want to go but I could go if I want I felt horrible and immediately decided I wouldn't go...  (bi the way.. I think if you can't tell by the way I left town at 16 to drive 6 hours to 'see' this guy that I think the sun rises and sets in him... then let me just tell you... to me he is some sort of ROCK GOD and I, on the other hand, am a very badly drawn idea of what a dust bunny would rather be... so I tried to be uber cool when with him...  compare...one of the screaming chicks in the crowd when the Beatles step off the plane here in America.. only make her a stick girl and give her a few dates with her favorite and you've got it. )
So.  instead of just throwing the directions in the trash.. or ripping them up or whatever...     My stupid ass decides to set them on fire and throw them out the window.   But there's just one problem.. the window is bolted shut!   So, now I'm in a HOTEL room, with THE GUY in the shower... and I have rapidly BURNING paper in my freakin' hand.  what to do... what to do.... guess I'll take it to the sink, only the sink is IN the bathroom where THE GUY is taking a shower!!!  So, I try to sneak in (maybe he's shampooing and his eyes are closed... IDK) through the door with FIRE in my hands..  and he gets hysterical!!       He must've thought I was some sort of firestarter or something... go to the party or I'm setting your ass ablaze!!! GRRRRR!!!!  ROFLMAO...
yea... I can't stop laughing at myself over that...
and worse part of it is... it's like everytime I was with him... I tried to be this uber cool, sure I can fit in chick.. and fell miserably short.

we had a few more escapades like that... only all the fire that I remember was lighting bongs or joints...  and then he just stopped calling... <shrug>
I still hate that... anyone got one of those memory eraser thingys from Men in Black???  QUICK somebody flashy thingy me... QUICK !!!
Please............................ Anyone????

Don't ... Mess with me!!!

Just a few days ago I posted what happened when I found myself in desperate need of a tampon and found the only thing that my office offers could be compared to the cotton on 4 Q-tips.  

Anyway, I found the name of the 'person' who orders these things and called her.  
"Hello"
        "Hi, this is Sockpuppet, I'm calling about an issue that several of the ladies and myself have discovered."  
"Oh"
        "Yes, the tampons that are being sold in the restrooms are not adequate"
"Why?"
        "They are much too small.  They are probably the size I would give my daughter to try should she want to see what one is like."
"Well, They are for emergencies only."           (what I'm no suppose to use them for party favors???? DAMN!)
        "I realize that, but shouldn't that at least work, in an emergency?"
"I've worked here for six years and no one has ever said anything about this problem before."
        "No one has said anything because I've worked here for eleven years and just now found out who to say something to..."
Silence...  "Well, the supplies are contracted out by a janitorial service.  I'll call them and see what can be done. I'll email you back."
        "okay, thanks. I appreciate that."

Below you'll find the email that I got in response from the Queen of Tampons...

Sockpuppet,   This is a follow up to our conversation today regarding the
feminine hygiene products that are being provided in the ladies room
dispensers.

The tampons provided have not been changed.   They are a standard
commercial product by Tampax, regular absorbency.

I'm sorry some of the ladies on the second floor are not happy with them.
Unfortunately, we are tied to building budgets more so now than ever
before.

I'm sure this is not what you want to hear.   We are unable to provide an
alternative product at this time.

Janene


me again... first.. BUILDING BUDGETS???? WTF??? Now the economy is effecting TAMPONS!!!  OMFG! Next thing you know we'll be washing clothes by hand and squatin' in fields to push out our babies.  I mean come'on  I PAY for these freakin' things when and if I need to use them.  They charge $.25 per tampon! If I'm not mistaken that's a profit of $3.00 per the normal store box, and that's of the ones that I use. (not the Regular size ones) dare I say they're making a killing off these things by buying them in bulk.
and again Regular absorbency??? is there a WOMAN left on Earth that has had two kids that uses REGULAR ABSORBENCY! If so... Ma'am I know where you can get a shit load of these freakin' things cause there not doing us a bit of good.
stay tuned as I do my damnest to over through the regime of the Queen of Tampons!!!!
evil laugh ensues as I picture starting an "underground railroad for tampons"   Muuuuaaahahhhhhh!!!!

a quarter for your troubles

I ran to the bathroom, quarter in hand.  I'd brought nothing from home, my purse had nothing to offer.  The spoils of not having a loving wife of my own, to remind me of every little thing I need to live through the day.   I put the quarter in the slot, turn the shiny metal knob and presto... expecting to find help, relief even... I receive what I would call a "trainer tampon."  This pathetic little thing, wrapped in paper, with a cardboard applicator.   UGH are you serious, have I fallen into some sort of time warp, gotten my wish and gone back to relive the stupid shit that I've done in the past, they gave these away in 6th grade!!    A quarter?! for this?!
I'm a mother of two, a wife even, a grown woman.... this thing couldn't catch muchless hold a drop of water in a flood.  I'd do better to take it apart and use it as a Q-tip (no offense to Q-tips) Give me a break!  I want something worth this precious quarter, something worth my trustt!!  i wouldn't be giving you this quarter if it weren't an emergency.  But then to be robbed by given this??  I would pay more if needed... I mean I'm sure anyone would.. after all you get what you pay for, right?
Furthermore, I believe that whoever decided that public restrooms shouldn't be designed with sinks inside the stalls should be hung by their pinky toes and beaten to death with this tiny tampon.   Sure I understand that they would acutally have to think about it, have been in contact with a woman inside a public restroom at some point, or maybe even have form some sort of study group that included actual women....
Study group A - performed well while using the public restroom w/ public sinks
Study group B - performed exceptionally while using the public restroom with placebo private sinks
Study group C - unbelievably was in and out of each restroom equiped with private sinks in less than 2.5 minutes.   setting a new record for women, Guiness Book of Records has been contacted.

another fine mess

'Ring, ring, ... Hello. This is ******** ******** "

"yes I'd like to get the rest of the nifty little pills that I ordered from you in March. Yes the ones that will help me have energy, curb my emotional eating, and shrink the fat that is located on my ass and various other parts of my body that I used to somewhat enjoy looking at... "

"Sure I'll be glad to help you with that... well what you need to finish out your 12 week program is 8 bottles of this and 4 bottles of that.... "

**me... waiting for the price..** "okay.... "

"okay, that comes to.... $855.00 plus shipping..."

THUD - (yes, that was my chin hitting the damn floor)

"or we can ship everything and take a few payments... "

she proceeds to give me figures if I wanted to pay in two or three payments, keeping in mind that my 12 weeks is up in June and I would need more of the first "little box" that came and was roughly the same price... STOP SCREAMING "DUMBASS" AT YOUR SCREEN - I CAN'T HEAR YOU... nevermind that I feel/felt/am a little desperate to be what I think I look like (of couse that person doesn't have children and hasn't aged since.... well, since 1999 or so.... even though I am a devasting beauty now... STOP LAUGHING!!!!!

so, I politely (believe it or not) told her I would not be ordering and would no longer continue with the program. her retort was well I'll be keeping in touch with you throughout the rest of your 12 week program just to check up (which in sales person speak means "to see if your dumbass has gained the weight back and guilted yourself into changing your patheticly deluded mind")

doesn't mean I need to answer the damn phone. I feel a change of my phone number coming on.... dammit!!

oh yea... and the 10lbs I lost... will probably be making a comeback tour... I'm selling t-shirts... come on you know you want one!!!

email posts

why are my posts from work showing up differently?? and by that i mean... not at all...
when I read them, I have to highlight them to see them....

My Ex-Anniversary

Today is the day of my very first wedding.   I always have a little fun with it.   It's the day the Titanic sank... it's tax day... etc.
Hubby and I were talking about how Hallmark is missing a huge market of cards they would be able to sell...

"Happy Ex Anniversary"  "I'm so glad I don't have to celebrate this with your favorite sex act ever again"
" Happy Ex Anniversary"   "The next ten years are sure to be better than the first ten!!"

anyway... you get my point?! I would buy one.. it's better to give a card than throw a rock through a window.  well, sometimes you need the rock and then sometimes
you want THE ROCK (although not so much for me) ;-)

So, while hubby and I were talking Ex called.. I broke out in the biggest LOL that you've ever heard.. (I'm a loud laugher!)  I didn't get it in time and called him back... "Happy Anniversary, sweetheart!"  he said in a trying to be sexy voice while also trying to cover up his pending laughter.  Meanwhile Punk is in the background on his side giggling..
I died laughing again... "I told Hubby you were gonna say that!!!!"   14 years later... good lord. I've had more fun out of him NOT being married to him.  
 
That entire relationship was a cry for help. The marrige was <shrugging & shaking head> well it just shouldn't have happened.  now don't get me wrong, I've learned alot.
 I wouldn't give up Punk for all the hookers in LA, I met my Hubby because I had to travel 80 miles away from my original home for a decent job (I could be more descriptive with that I choose not to), I know how to spy on my family's computer usage with  very nice software and without them ever knowing it, I know how to bug a phone, and I know that there are things that even if I would have gone back to the very first day of that relationship and NOT started it   that what I was really looking for wouldn't have happened anyway... but that's another story..

I'm thinking of writing a short story blog... do you have a personal blog that you don't let anyone see... just something that you keep to yourself?

rambling...

do you have a "cool guy" list?   you know just of guys that you know that you think are cool or can go to for anything, any question... whatever...
I do... all be it short but still... I get along well with guys..

can you tell that I'm making more entries?   I thought you could.. I mean well.  I'll go all day with stuff I want to write or something I've thought about and just need somewhere or someone to say it to and then forget it when I sit down to tell you...  So, I set it up so that I can write from anywhere cause by the time I get home and get things done to have my "Me" time... well know with the 2nd job my "me" time is sleeping of course I do call the route my "me" time...   i just love it...    have you hugged your paper girl today...
ps with the new car... I'm thinking about getting  some form of  "paper doll" on the tags... haha  not that I think of myself as a doll persay... but it's a nice spin... what do you think?

New car... Used car

Hubby wants me to have an automatic to do my paper route in... trust me, it is difficult to change gears and wrap papers and drive and well... this could just be easier.   I hadn't really put alot of thought into it until this past weekend, while we were out getting some things from the market and doing the recycling, out of nowhere hubby said... you need an automatic.  I know it must be hard to do everything your doing and well, I just want it to be easy on you since we need it and you enjoy doing it so much...
so, here we go looking at cars.  I start looking at used ones because let's be frank.. I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY...  that's the entire reason that I'm up at 2:30AM in my jammies slinging papers... (paper ho) =)  

and he's looking at new....  I understand his point.. reliable and yes I want that.  I don't want to be stuck trying to earn money to fix a broken down paper car or stuck at 3am somewhere in the sticks trying to fend off the boys from deliverance... yea I know.. I'm not there type but you never know how long its been for them and how quickly they'd lower their standards if given the opportunity.. besides.. I'd be facing the other way anyway....  sorry I digress....

so what are your thoughts... what new car would you get if you were doing my paper route???
70 miles a day, 7 days a week, and it has to hold up to 400 newpapers...    go on... give it to me!!

Wierd Stuff

hello everyone... happy 4-14 and a friend of mine from work call it. (both of us have guys that we "dated" with today as a birthday)

This morning as I was leaving to deliver papers ( LuLu went with me, cause Punk is away at his dad's for spring break). Anyway let me set the scene for you. LuLu and I, in our pjs, were walking from the laundry room into garage to leave. I open the heavy door that seperates the two rooms and walk into the garage. Flip on the light and immediately smell cigar smoke. It lingered there, kept my attention, and made me extremely curious. No one, let me just repeat that, NO ONE in my home smokes... well except for the occasional dubie that I light up.. but those are COMPLETELY different smells. The smell wasn't outside, it wasn't in any other room, just the garage...

this isn't the first time things like this have happened.

In my bedroom on the 2nd floor I've smelled the sulpher smell that happens when you blow out a match... that's happened like two or three times.

a few weeks ago, I walked from the livingroom through the kitchen to the half bath and in the kitchen on my way was a dark figure... no definite shoulders and no head.. it just sort of tapered up to a point.

oh well.....

Dieting... AGAIN

I started a diet last month.. March 14th. I've lost 10 lbs. I don't want to eat.. I get full much faster than normal. In the fine print... stay away from Candy and Ice cream. WHAT???!!! but... but... but... it's chocolate season again... and the jelly beans are starting to bloom too??? wimper... =(
If they had told me I couldn't chew sugarless gum.... I would've asked for a refund. A chewer just can't stop cold turkey!!! I mean, damn I'm up to three packs a day!!

April showers bring...

okay... it's April... and my thoughts turn as they always have... to my mother, her birthday is April 14th, and to a man that I knew once, who conviently (or more than likely, not) has the same birthday.

I've mentioned him before.. THE GUY. oh well.. I suppose the 16 year old that fell for him takes over my brain. It starts when I have just about had enough of winter.. and I start remembering the few drives we'd take in the snow.. to nowhere and back.. I enjoyed his company, his wit, his intense Dark Brown eyes and killer smile.
He told me I could never love him.. I think now what he meant was he wouldn't let me. so.. On the 14th as I have for years... I'll call my mother and then for him.. I'll have a drink and tell the air "Happy Birthday"

UGH, gimmie a break

don't you hate it when you've upset someone and they haven't got the guts to say anything about it... then suddenly you find out..... weeks later. This happened at work to me today, 1st job.